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12-26-2017, 12:28 AM
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#1761
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I took 4 of my wife's sleeping pills the other night and they didn't even affect me.
Anyway, got to go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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12-26-2017, 12:33 AM
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#1762
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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A man goes to the doctor to get some test results back.
The doctor says to him, "Well sir, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"
The man asks for the good news first so the doctor frowns and says, "The good news is we're naming it after you."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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12-26-2017, 06:01 AM
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#1763
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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After years of threatening to leave, last night my wife finally broke my heart.
She's staying.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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12-26-2017, 07:36 AM
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#1764
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5,712
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When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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12-26-2017, 07:42 AM
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#1765
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5,712
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Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.
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12-26-2017, 11:58 AM
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#1766
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I bought 3 rolls of wrapping paper just for my wife's Christmas present, and she still wasn't happy...
I should have just bought the ungrateful woman one roll.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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12-27-2017, 12:53 PM
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#1767
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,786
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...
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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12-30-2017, 11:14 AM
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#1768
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I must say that I am very lucky to have my own private jet.
The missus owns the rest of the hot tub though
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-02-2018, 06:49 PM
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#1769
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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It’s so cold that I can’t even get into a heated argument with my wife.
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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01-08-2018, 01:37 PM
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#1770
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I texted my wife this afternoon “ Darling, I had a bad accident at work this morning and fell from great height. Sarah kindly rushed me to the hospital, where the doctors have examined me and tested me, they have x-rayed the damage in my legs and say I may never walk again, and will possibly stay in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.”
She texted back “Who’s Sarah?”
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-08-2018, 01:38 PM
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#1771
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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A guy squared up to me in the bar yesterday and asked me if I had given his girlfriend dirty looks.
"No, that was her parents" I replied.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-08-2018, 01:42 PM
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#1772
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I always read my wife's horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-08-2018, 03:49 PM
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#1773
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
I always read my wife's horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.
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Pretty good one.
DW is trying to quit smoking....and I’m trying to deal with the withdrawal!
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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01-09-2018, 10:57 AM
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#1774
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10,907
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My Wife Is Missing
Husband: My wife Jill is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Her height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Er -Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in ?
Husband: She went in MY truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck.
__________________
1988 Coleman Sequoia - popup (1987-2009) - outlasted 3 Dodge Grand Caravans!
2012 Roo19 - hybrid (2012-2015)
2016 Mini Lite 2503S - tt (2015 - ???)
2011 Traverse LT, 3.6L, FWD
2009 Silverado 1500 Ext Cab, 5.3L, 4x4, 3.73
2016 Silverado 2500HD Dbl Cab, 6.0L 4x4, 4.10
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01-09-2018, 01:30 PM
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#1775
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockfordroo
My Wife Is Missing
Husband: My wife Jill is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Her height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Er -Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in ?
Husband: She went in MY truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck.
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too funny
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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01-10-2018, 10:50 AM
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#1776
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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It's hard having children, each morning you...
Wake up mega early, fill a beaker with juice, make some jelly on toast, and cut it into funny little shapes, get the blanket out and settle on the sofa for back to back episodes of Bugs Bunny...
And then..
They get up and spoil it all.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-10-2018, 10:52 AM
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#1777
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:
I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don't care if they both are.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-11-2018, 03:06 AM
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#1778
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I will never forget the day I got married.
I've tried everything: drugs, alcohol, even hypnosis.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-11-2018, 09:19 AM
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#1779
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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My girlfriend dumped me because I'm schizophrenic.
"It's not you, it's me," I said to myself.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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01-11-2018, 09:20 AM
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#1780
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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A policeman pulled me over driving home from the bar yesterday, and asked "excuse me Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Why, is there an ugly woman in my car?"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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