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Old 12-31-2015, 01:29 AM   #881
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I said to my wife, "Happy birthday love, go on then and open the box."

"But I already know what it is."

"I put a little something extra in it."

"Now I am excited. What is it?"

"More pepperoni."
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:30 AM   #882
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I was sitting eating my breakfast earlier, when the wife came down with a face like thunder.

"I can't believe you've forgotten my birthday AGAIN!" she screamed.

"Nice try Tanya" I replied. "But you really need to get some new April fools jokes, you try this one every year."
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:32 AM   #883
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Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance.

Well it's her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I'm pleased to say I've already bought her her present.

She's going to love these flowers.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:36 AM   #884
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I got my girlfriend a pair of go-go boots for her birthday.

Hopefully she'll get the hint.
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:53 AM   #885
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The wife does confuse me sometimes....

She's been planning this romantic getaway for ages ...

Turns out I'm not invited
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Old 12-31-2015, 10:57 AM   #886
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Boyfriend asks:
- Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend:
- Yes it is sufficient for me, but how you will survive?
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:05 AM   #887
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I was telling my wife how my New Year's resolution is to try and be a happier person.

"That's lovely!" she said, giving me a hug.

"I'm glad you think so," I replied. "Your suitcase is by the front door."
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:07 AM   #888
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I've opened a gym called Resolutions.

It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:10 AM   #889
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Old 12-31-2015, 11:13 AM   #890
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