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Old 01-02-2016, 11:23 PM   #901
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
I called my wife from work and told her that I had put something on the radio for her birthday.

The silly girl had listened to the radio for 5 hours before seeing the birthday card lying on top of it !

Hopefully Lex and Terry were on for advise.


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Old 01-05-2016, 07:32 AM   #902
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As a waiter on valentines day, I would put a fake engagement ring into a lot of different meals.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 01-05-2016, 07:33 AM   #903
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I walked into a jewellers and said to the guy, "I want to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring but I'm gonna need your help."

"No problem," he smiled, "I'd be more than happy to help you."

"Great, can you lend me $2500?"
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Old 01-05-2016, 07:37 AM   #904
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My girlfriend said "Do you know what day it is?".

I said "Tuesday".

She said "And Tuesday is?"

I said "The day before Wednesday".

She said "Stop messing around and tell me where my birthday gift is".

I gave her a little smirk and said "Ok, you win, it's in the cabinet".

A few moments later she returned and said "I don't get it, I've looked in the cabinet".

I said "And what did you find".

She replied "Nothing".

I said "Which is exactly what I got you!".
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Old 01-05-2016, 07:45 AM   #905
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I saw my buddy Dave walking around the store yesterday. He had a huge cart jam packed full of chocolates, designer clothes, perfume, wine and cuddly toys. There was a huge valentines card stuffed down the side, helium 'I love you' balloons tied to the handle and he had the biggest bouquet of flowers in the shop under his arm

"Gee Dave" I said "your going a bit over the top. That's going to cost you a fortune".

"I'm not going to buy it" he replied " I'm just ruining valentines day for all the women in here who think I am"
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Old 01-05-2016, 09:32 AM   #906
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My wife said she will pack her bags and leave me if I don't do more to help her.

So I got her suitcases down from the top shelf.
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Old 01-05-2016, 09:37 AM   #907
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One time I tried to put my wife in her place...

But that just got me put out of mine.
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Old 01-05-2016, 09:37 AM   #908
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My wife said last night, "we are getting a divorce if you make one more joke about me!"

Needless to say, this is my 7th joke since then..
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Old 01-06-2016, 07:41 AM   #909
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After I took the family overseas on vacation, I've learned why the English drive on the left hand side of the road.

Because if you drive on the right, people say horrible things to you.
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Old 01-06-2016, 07:49 AM   #910
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I know women like to be mysterious, but turn signal indicators are for safety purposes.
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