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Old 01-24-2016, 07:05 PM   #951
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I've found that trying to pluck out nasal hair can be pretty tricky ...

especially if it wakes the wife up and she starts throwing punches.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 01-24-2016, 07:09 PM   #952
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How lazy is my wife..

I was in the bath last night with the hot water running, I had to shout at her 3 times to come turn the tap off.
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Old 01-24-2016, 08:55 PM   #953
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Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.

Why a man would want two wives is a bigamystery.
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Old 01-24-2016, 08:57 PM   #954
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My wife was snuggled up with me in bed and said "I love how I know everything about you and all your secrets"

I replied "trust me, you wouldn't be lying there if you did"
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Old 01-24-2016, 08:58 PM   #955
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I was charged with Bigamy and I said to my attorney, "I'm worried about the death penalty."

"Impossible," he said, "It can't happen."

"You haven't met my wives." I replied.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 01-24-2016, 08:59 PM   #956
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I've got a serious problem on my hands.


My girlfriend has just noticed my wedding ring.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 01-25-2016, 04:36 PM   #957
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The wife's just accused me of cheating on her with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch.

"How can you say that?" I shouted.






--------------------------------------------
edit by wmtire: that's actually a real place if you want to google it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Llanfairpwllgwyngyll
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Old 01-25-2016, 09:32 PM   #958
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I never forget valentines day.

It's always a week after she asks what am I planning for next week.
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Old 01-27-2016, 09:34 AM   #959
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I gave up drinking a long time ago, after I got married.

which is the main reason I got divorced
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Old 01-27-2016, 01:37 PM   #960
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My wife just called me an irresponsible father because I let our 7-year-old son drive our car.

"Calm down." I said, "He'll probably be back in a minute."
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