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Old 02-03-2016, 09:11 PM   #981
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My girlfriend asked me to see things from a woman's point of view...so I looked out the kitchen window.
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Old 02-03-2016, 09:23 PM   #982
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A wife is like a hand grenade.

Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:42 PM   #983
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I think my wife is going insane.

She said "Honey, can you unload the dish washer please?"

Next thing you know, she'll be asking the jelly to take out the trash.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 02-04-2016, 07:59 PM   #984
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I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees.
But then I saw her face.
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Old 02-04-2016, 08:03 PM   #985
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When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.
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Old 02-04-2016, 08:06 PM   #986
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Platokidd View Post
When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.
Good one...
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Old 02-04-2016, 08:08 PM   #987
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My girlfriend said she needs time and distance ...

is she calculating velocity?
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Old 02-04-2016, 08:20 PM   #988
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A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"
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Old 02-05-2016, 07:09 AM   #989
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A new species of tarantula has been named after country singer Johnny Cash.

I'm now campaigning for a new species of large, leathery-skinned reptile to be named after my ex-wife.




14 New Tarantula Species Include One Named for Johnny Cash
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 02-05-2016, 02:43 PM   #990
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One more:;

Man walks into a pharmacy and buys a large box of condoms, Pharmacist says you want a bag with that? Man says no thanks she's kinda cute..
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