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02-18-2018, 07:14 PM
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#1841
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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My wife complained that she wished she was the type of woman that could turn heads.
So I bought her a screwdriver.
__________________
 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-18-2018, 07:17 PM
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#1842
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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A man hates his wife"s cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
So the next day he drives to the other side of the state and dumps it.
A few hours later he rings his wife and asks, "is the cat home?"
"Yes, why?" asks his wife."
Put him on the phone," he says, "I"m lost."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-18-2018, 08:36 PM
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#1843
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-18-2018, 08:46 PM
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#1844
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Southern, IL
Posts: 3,272
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Platokidd
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LOL..
__________________
Bob & Michelle
2016 Ford F-250 Lariat 4x4
2017 Flagstaff Super Lite 526RLWS
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02-21-2018, 11:19 AM
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#1845
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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My missus has just taught the car a new trick, she got it to roll over yesterday.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-21-2018, 11:22 AM
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#1846
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Insert witty title here
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: About 30 miles west of Beantown.
Posts: 4,034
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__________________
2021 Transcend Xplor 247BH
Husky WDH with Sway Control
2021 Chevy Silverado 2500HD LT 6.6L V8 Duramax
Forever in my memory. Forever in my heart.
Laurie J. Wood 3/22/67 - 8/23/19
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02-21-2018, 05:33 PM
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#1847
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10,907
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♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
__________________
1988 Coleman Sequoia - popup (1987-2009) - outlasted 3 Dodge Grand Caravans!
2012 Roo19 - hybrid (2012-2015)
2016 Mini Lite 2503S - tt (2015 - ???)
2011 Traverse LT, 3.6L, FWD
2009 Silverado 1500 Ext Cab, 5.3L, 4x4, 3.73
2016 Silverado 2500HD Dbl Cab, 6.0L 4x4, 4.10
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02-21-2018, 06:48 PM
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#1848
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Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
My missus has just taught the car a new trick, she got it to roll over yesterday.
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Did it stand at attention when finished?
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02-21-2018, 06:52 PM
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#1849
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Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockfordroo
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
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As you Z'd yourself to sleep.
Yeah, and there was no one for Opie to even get into trouble with.
  
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02-25-2018, 11:34 AM
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#1850
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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A big freeze is on its way this week
Wife's found out I’ve hired a pretty secretary.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-26-2018, 09:54 AM
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#1851
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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I've been trying to teach my buddy how to play golf recently but the problem seems to be his drive.
His wife stands in the middle of it and doesn't let us out.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-26-2018, 11:26 AM
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#1852
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 604
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckingJohn
I have to wonder why men will settle for a good meal and women want the world plus some.
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That's part of the big problem ....lol
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02-26-2018, 01:37 PM
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#1853
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,800
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....
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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03-01-2018, 03:26 PM
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#1854
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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I was going on a first date earlier and wasn't sure what to say so I asked a friend for advice...
...He said "Tell a Titanic joke, they're always excellent icebreakers".
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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03-05-2018, 12:57 PM
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#1855
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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The best advice I ever got from my dad was to never run away from my problems ................- To this day I still have that postcard!
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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03-05-2018, 03:55 PM
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#1856
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10,907
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
The best advice I ever got from my dad was to never run away from my problems ................- To this day I still have that postcard!
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I'm guessing he also told you, "Do as I say, not as I do!" ??
__________________
1988 Coleman Sequoia - popup (1987-2009) - outlasted 3 Dodge Grand Caravans!
2012 Roo19 - hybrid (2012-2015)
2016 Mini Lite 2503S - tt (2015 - ???)
2011 Traverse LT, 3.6L, FWD
2009 Silverado 1500 Ext Cab, 5.3L, 4x4, 3.73
2016 Silverado 2500HD Dbl Cab, 6.0L 4x4, 4.10
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03-05-2018, 07:14 PM
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#1857
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North of Seattle, WA
Posts: 17,327
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You get to call yourself an expert on marriage after being married 50 years.
Unfortunately q lot of those married 50 years did so on the Installment Plan.
__________________
"A wise man can change his mind. A fool never will." (Japanese Proverb)
"You only grow old when you run out of new things to do"
2018 Flagstaff Micro Lite 25BDS
2023 f-150 SCREW XLT 3.5 Ecoboost (The result of a $68,000 oil change  )
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03-06-2018, 08:04 AM
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#1858
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion’
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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03-09-2018, 10:10 AM
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#1859
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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Bob: “I’ve started to learn to play the trumpet.”
Jack: “Had no idea you had an interest in music.”
Bob: “I don’t. Just can’t stand my next door neighbor.”
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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03-09-2018, 02:46 PM
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#1860
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,904
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My wife has left me because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression
But don't worry.......... I'll return
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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