Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-07-2013, 04:49 PM   #1
Site Team
wmtire's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 11,010
More travel jokes

Some of these may have been posted before:

You'll know it's a No-Frills airline if:
  • They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
  • All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out
  • Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
  • You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
  • Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
  • The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
  • When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
  • The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
  • Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
  • You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. (this was my favorite one )
  • No movie. Don't need one.
  • All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy airport.

After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight, now sit back and relax. - OH MY GOD!"

There was Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said: "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"


  • There is an art in writing travel brochures, as well as a matching art in reading them.
    Without wishing to suggest that the following translations always apply, you might find the following terms to be of wry amusement...
    • Brochure Term/ Translation

      Old world charm/ No bath
    • Tropical/ Rainy
    • Majestic setting/ A long way from town
    • Options galore/ Nothing is included in the itinerary
    • Secluded hideaway/ Impossible to find or get to
    • Pre-registered rooms/ Already occupied
    • Explore on your own/ Pay for it yourself
    • Knowledgeable trip hosts/ They've flown before
    • No extra fees/ No extras
    • Nominal charge/ Outrageous charge
    • Standard/ Substandard
    • Deluxe/ Standard
    • Superior / Two free shower caps
    • All the amenities/ One free shower cap
    • Plush/ Top and bottom sheets
    • Gentle breezes/ Gale-force winds
    • Light and airy/ No air conditioning
    • Picturesque/ Theme park nearby
    • Open bar/ Free ice cubes
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant: "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

A passenger piled his cases on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver and the two round ones to go to Seattle."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.

"Why not? You did it the last time!"


One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking: "What trip?"


2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS

I used to be addicted to time travel, but that's all in the past now.
wmtire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2013, 04:54 PM   #2
Senior Member
Filthy Beast's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 620

Goody Two Shoes and the Filthy Beast
2008 Chevy Silverado 2500HD
Duramax and Allison 6 speed
2012 Wildcat 282RKX

You can't make things idiot proof, you can only make them idiot resistant.
Filthy Beast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2013, 05:09 PM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,747
The passengers board the plane; the plane takes off. Shortly after takeoff, a voice comes over the PA

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the worlds first all computerized flight. This airplane is completely controlled by computer. There are no pilots on board. But don't be alarmed. Absolutely nothing can go wrong....go wrong....go wrong.... go wrong...."
rockfordroo is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

» Virginia Campgrounds

Reviews provided by is not in any way associated with Forest River, Inc. or its associated RV manufacturing divisions.

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities

Copyright 2002-2015 Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:28 AM.