New year's Eve one-liners

[wmtire]

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

My New Years resolution is 1080p

I'm getting drunk just thinking about tomorrow night.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

If 2013 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.

I'll remember 2013 like it was yesterday

Dear Luck, .....can we be friends in 2014 Please?

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve. DIGNITY is not one of them.

Every year I make a resolution to change myself....... this year making a resolution to be myself!

I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2014.

Just heard that in 2014 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.

My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions....That way I succeed at something!

Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.

New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.

My 2014 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.

There have been many times in 2013, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you....today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2014!

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New Years Eve Short Jokes

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.

What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve? The ice falls out of your drinks!

What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security

New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

[Sargent's Fox Hole]