Oil change joke

[wmtire]

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary TOTAL: $24.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.
2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower truck from jack stands.
34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive truck.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. Truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $24.00
TOTAL: $4,149.00
But you know the job was done right!

[Oaklevel]

Ya know there's a lot of truth to that.......

Also two weeks later take the old oil to the parts store to get rid of it .....as the container tips over & now have clean up dirty oil from floor board of truck................

[VinceU]

Originally Posted by wmtire

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary TOTAL: $24.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.
2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower truck from jack stands.
34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive truck.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. Truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $24.00
TOTAL: $4,149.00
But you know the job was done right!

Wow, that's good!

[Flagstaffer06]

It is funny to recall how many of us do the exact thing. I thought I was the only one on a few of those.

[OL Creeker]

After changing my oil, I stepped into the pan I used to collect the oil! That cost me a pair of tennis, socks, and a bag of absorb all! Soon after I quit and just had it done. Haven't touched an oil drain plug in many years.

[OL Creeker]

I couldn't get rid of A tennie. Sort of reminds us of that poor person whose spoon went down the ol' crapper, huh?

[Fire Instructor]

After reading this, I SO MUCH look forward to the brake job that I'm planning for Saturday!!! I may tackle front discs AND the rear drums, and see if I cn keep it below $5000!!!!!

[wmtire]

I've been guilty of driving a screwdriver thru an oil filter on more than one occasion.

[OldCoot]

Originally Posted by wmtire

...But you know the job was done right!

You think it was done right.

[WEMig]

Originally Posted by arjerram

I couldn't get rid of A tennie. Sort of reminds us of that poor person whose spoon went down the ol' crapper, huh?

Oh, lets not get back to that thread, my stomach muscles are just now healing.

[F and E Damp]

On a serious note for a moment - I once went to one of those quick-change places. They drained the sump, put the plug back in, new filter on, then put 5 quarts of engine oil into the transmission.

Five miles later, the engine threw a rod through the oil pan. The transmission was acting oddly, too. They ended up buying the car and I got another one with the money.

[jar3316]

Always check the oil before leaving the place, it ticks off the oil jockey. but your safe and he has a little mental jab to double check every car, or at least that's what a properly functioning brain would do.
My whole industry is based on the customer double checking your work and as the manufacturer i make darn sure they never have anything to say, other than thanks.

but I do change my own oil and it does cost me the same as the box store but I get to use full syn, good filter, and I view it as therapy and education for my kids.

I skip the beer though, a buddy was so hammered once he left a socket or bolt (not sure which he wouldn't say) in the cylinder when he closed up his engine and after replacing the block, piston, head and valves; if there is drinking while working on cars there is always a designated inspector.

[Arefbee]

I made two mistakes on one oil change. First I did not realize the O ring from the old filter was still on the motor when I put the new filter on.

Next, did not test drive because DW had to leave and needed the car.

Apparently two O rings are NOT better than one.

The phone rang 10 minutes after she left. I followed the trail of synthetic two miles to where motor had given up.

Filter $5
Oil $30
Motor $700
Since then Jiffy-Lube...
Yet I do still do my own brakes.

[QCCowboy]

There is so much truth to this. Perhaps one could add
-forget what overtightening can do
-strip out oil pan drain bolt
-Get oversized self-tapper so that you can get by for a bit
-two more beers because you are fruatrated
-Put self tapper in crooked (beer is getting to you now)
-wind up having to drop and replace the lower half of the oil pan

to the list here.

Or was that just me?

[B47]

Originally Posted by Arefbee

I made two mistakes on one oil change. First I did not realize the O ring from the old filter was still on the motor when I put the new filter on.

Next, did not test drive because DW had to leave and needed the car.

Apparently two O rings are NOT better than one.

The phone rang 10 minutes after she left. I followed the trail of synthetic two miles to where motor had given up.

Filter $5
Oil $30
Motor $700
Since then Jiffy-Lube...
Yet I do still do my own brakes.

When I used to change my oil myself, the Fram oil filter box always contained a warning to make certain the removed oil filter "O" ring was not still in the housing before installing the new filter.

[Arefbee]

Yep, I remember reading that a long time ago, but after doing them without issue for a dozen years or so I stopped reading the box.

I think I should have just had a beer instead...

[B47]

Originally Posted by Arefbee

Yep, I remember reading that a long time ago, but after doing them without issue for a dozen years or so I stopped reading the box.

I think I should have just had a beer instead...

Or maybe you should continue reading the box before having a beer

My personal experience with this is that the "O" ring came out with the filter more often than not.

[F and E Damp]

Most US cars have the oil seal bonded to the screw-on filter body. My old 1968 UK Ford Cortina had the older-style metal bowl with an element inside. On one oil change, the tech left the old seal inside the housing. 400 miles later the engine was toast.

I pulled it out and rebuilt it, which went quite well. Before finishing up, I realised that the 1600 Pinto was the same basic engine, so I went to my local Ford dealer and bought the Pinto 1600 oil filter mounting and its spin-on cartridge.

No more screw-ups for several years, until the alternator blew itself up just before we were to relocate from Tidewater VA to Seattle. I planned to flat-tow the Cortina behind our Mercury wagon since it couldn't be driven.

All went well until I made a tight turn in a motel parking lot in Bozeman, MT and snapped off the bracket to which the towing system was attached.

We left the car at the airport and drove to Seattle. I flew back a couple of weeks later with a new alternator and installed it. About 100 miles from Bozeman, I started getting odd jerks in the transmission. Eventually, the transmission seized up. DW came and resued me from Moses Lake and we towed the Cortina home. In the first couple of miles, it became obvious that the transmission was in trouble, so I disconnected the drive shaft.

DW wasn't comfortable towing, so when we got to the top of Snoqualmie Pass, she wanted to dump the car. In the end, I got her to push the totally dead Cortina to start it down the pass. I made about 85 mph on the way down and actually passed several other vehicles, despite being totally "dead-stick". We re-attached the tow just east of North Bend and got the Cortina home. I pulled the gearbox and had it re-built.

It turned out that, despite "general knowledge' about stick-shift transmissions being good to be towed without a disconnect, that particular Ford box had its lubrication pump driven by the input shaft. It was a major achivement that it got from VA to MT without seizing up!

If I'd known how much trouble it was going to be, I'd have set fire to the SOB in Virginia!

[Capsfloyd]

Dallas dodge sells 4 oil changes for 52.00

My hemi holds 8 qts of oil ????