One day at the asylum

[wmtire]

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon!

Another one said: How do you know?

The first inmate said: God told me!

A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!

[wmtire]

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."

[wmtire]

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever
come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

[rattleNsmoke]

Hahahahaha...sounds like typical evenings on the FRF...

[DDC]

Very good nothing like a good joke.

[DDC]

Dead Penguins.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.





The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:





"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!


I fell for it, too.

[Ford Idaho]

Originally Posted by DDC

Dead Penguins.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.





The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:





"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!


I fell for it, too.

Is all right, I laughed like the devil.

[M&K Hoffman]

One day a fellow is walking by a high wooden fence that surrounds a mental institution and hears the patients inside the fence chanting 13, 13, 13, 13.

Well the fellow finds a knot hole in the fence so he peers in and gets promptly poked in the eye. The patients start chanting 14, 14, 14, 14.......