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Old 08-30-2012, 04:25 PM   #1
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Pilots

Pilots: People who drive airplanes for other people who can't fly.

Fighter Pilots: Cold, steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.

Words of Wisdom From Aviators:
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and helicopters (in that order) need two.

There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the fat one.

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.

There are Rules and there are Laws:
The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were ordained by God.
You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules, but you can never suspend the Laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full; check Take Off weight....

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.

"If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs." President, DELTA Airlines.

In the Alaskan bush I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. It's just that good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.

Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?

Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.

There are only two types of aircraft - fighters and targets.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, and you weren't nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.

They invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on their hind legs.

The FAA Motto: We're not happy till you're not happy. More recent version is: Its not fair and we don't care!

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Old 08-30-2012, 04:40 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herk7769 View Post
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?
My favorite one.
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Old 08-30-2012, 04:45 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herk7769 View Post
Pilots: People who drive airplanes for other people who can't fly.

Fighter Pilots: Cold, steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.

Words of Wisdom From Aviators:
Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and helicopters (in that order) need two.

There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the fat one.

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.

There are Rules and there are Laws:
The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were ordained by God.
You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules, but you can never suspend the Laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full; check Take Off weight....

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.

"If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs." President, DELTA Airlines.

In the Alaskan bush I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. It's just that good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.

Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?

Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.

There are only two types of aircraft - fighters and targets.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, and you weren't nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.

They invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on their hind legs.

The FAA Motto: We're not happy till you're not happy. More recent version is: Its not fair and we don't care!

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Two more -

Two things that a pilot can't use - fuel left in the tanker truck and runway left behind.

The only difference between a single engine aircraft and a multi engine aircraft is the multi engine aircraft gets you to the accident scene a bit sooner.

And regarding the FAA motto - it is still "We're not happy till your not happy." It hasn't been revised.
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Old 08-31-2012, 09:12 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herk7769 View Post
There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the fat one.
Almost spit my coffee on my keyboard when reading #3
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:08 AM   #5
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When I worked for the FAA the motto's were;

I from the government and I'm here to help... (We lived by Sarcasm)
or
A break refused is a break abused...
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:26 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herk7769 View Post
...The average Fighter Pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
...
I take it you're saying that Fighter Pilots are "Full of Themselves"?
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:43 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dunnnc

I take it you're saying that Fighter Pilots are "Full of Themselves"?
There not ? Lol
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:51 AM   #8
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Love it, just Love it.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:03 PM   #9
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During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:19 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joenic53 View Post
During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."
<sigh> Me too...
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