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Old 09-03-2012, 08:36 AM   #1
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Pun with the world

So,

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza place and says, "Make me one with everything."
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:00 AM   #2
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Can I play too? I have several jokes.

The Dalai Lama walks up to a vendor who is selling hamburgers and says, "I want one with everything."


The vendor hands him one and says, "Four bucks."


The Dalai Lama gives him a $5 bill, and waits to receive his change -- but the vendor ignores him.


The Dalai Lama finally asks, "Where's my change?"


The burger vendor replies, "Change only comes from within."
--------------------------------------------------------


If the Dalai Lama was a redneck, he'd believe in reintarnation.


--------------------------------------------------------


The Dalai Lama walks into a bar and immediately spirits are lifted.
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:39 AM   #3
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Gr8
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:00 AM   #4
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More puns:

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating: always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:39 AM   #5
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Nice ones you two! Although I can never remember these if my life depended on it, I love reading puns.
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Old 02-21-2013, 09:17 PM   #6
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A local newspaper was running a contest for the best puns. A fellow sent in his top ten list, hoping that at least one might win a prize.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Old 02-21-2013, 09:29 PM   #7
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Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldnít control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when itís hungry? It goes back four seconds.


I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!


Broken pencils are pointless.


A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes arenít funny, period .


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory, I hope thereís no pop quiz.


I didnít like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


All the toilets in New York Ďs police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.


I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.


Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.


Velcro Ė what a rip off!


Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.


Venison for dinner? Oh deer!


Earthquake in Washington obviously governmentís fault.


I used to think I was indecisive, but now Iím not so sure.
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Old 02-24-2013, 02:54 PM   #8
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A Chicago hi-rise medical office buidin had stores and a cocktail bar at ground level. A dentist had an office on one of the upper floors. He was a very punctual person and a bit detail-obsessed.

He used to close the office every afternoon at 5:00 pm, then head down in the elevator and go into the bar. He always had the same single cocktail before heading for the train home. His drink was an almond daiquiri, the almonds being ground up and dropped into the drink.

Yhe b artender was so used to the routine that he prepared the drink a couple of minutes before the dentist came in. One day, he realised there were no almonds. He was brginning to panic when he spotted a bowl of hickory nuts on the bar. He too a couple, ran them through the grinder and added them to the drink.

The dentist came in, picked up the drink and sipped it. He said "This doesn't taste like my usual almond daiquiri, Dick". The bartender replied, "Actually it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc".
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Old 02-24-2013, 09:29 PM   #9
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Red face

Now you've done it. You've remined me of the big chess tournament down at the hotel. After the event ended, the jubilant winning team gathered in a small alcove just off the hotel lobby. They cheered, shouted, and continually stated that they must be the finest team ever. Finally, an annoyed guest went to the bell captain and complained about the rowdy group.

They're OK, the bell captain assured him. They're just chess nut boasting by an open foyer.
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