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Old 03-11-2013, 07:08 PM   #1
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Remember Hollywood Squares?

Unfortunately, I am definitely old enough!
It was one of the funniest shows on Television!
The contestants were priceless!

These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now!

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!


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Old 03-11-2013, 07:34 PM   #2
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Those were the days. So many Variety Shows in the 1960's and '70's were spontaneous and off-the-cuff. If you remember the Dean Martin Comedy Hour he never followed a script and got praised with thunderous laughter. Great memories, thanks for sharing!

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Old 03-11-2013, 07:38 PM   #3
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What a perfect break here in tax season.

And now back to our tax returns!!!!!
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:42 PM   #4
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My mom was a bookeeper for a financial mgmt company that had a lot of the game show hosts as clients and Peter Marshal was one of her clients. I was lucky enough to go and see quite a few shows taped.

Between Hollywood Squares and Match Game I am amazed at what they got away with "back in the day". It all seems pretty tame today.

Thanks for the post! Brings back a lot of great memories!
Dan n Dione

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Old 03-11-2013, 07:48 PM   #5
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Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but it still won't go up to your apartment.
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?

Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?

Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.
Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look sexy on a woman?

Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?

Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!
Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious in the street, should you do anything?

George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him I guess.

Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman takes an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing. What item?

Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my mind.
Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?

Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Peter Marshall: Can boys join the camp fire girls?

Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?

Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?

George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?

Paul Lynde: He's out of town.

Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.
Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?

Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
Peter Marshall: At NASA, what keeps the cool air running around in the spacesuits?

Paul Lynde: Itsy Bitsy Eskimoes....
Peter Marshall: According to Better Homes and Gardens, Is it a good idea to give your yard a light sprinkle?

Michael Landon: ...well, if you can't make it to the house, I mean...
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