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Old 02-09-2013, 11:29 AM   #1
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Smile Shopping at Wal-Mart

Out of archives an oldie but goodie.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal*Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart...

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1) June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2) July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3) July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4) July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5) August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6) August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7) August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone!?'

9) September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10) September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11) October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme .

12) October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using
different sizes of funnels.

13) October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through the clothes, he whispered 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14) October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15) October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled
very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
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Old 02-09-2013, 11:35 AM   #2
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lol....
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Old 02-09-2013, 11:47 AM   #3
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This isn't normal to do this?
Oppps.
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Old 02-09-2013, 11:55 AM   #4
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Man, they are getting picky at Wal-Mart
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:10 PM   #5
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Not at our local store 20 people in line and 1 cashier. Therefore I get bored waiting so I would probably do the same kind of silly stuff.
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:25 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itsthetwoofus View Post
Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1) June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
Ah well, that explains it. My wife hadn't wanted to even snuggle for the past three years. When she found one of those boxes in my shopping bag last June, she went nuts and immediately divorced me.

Anyway, wanted to say I'm not mad, actually I wanted to thank you. Started putting that box to use a week later, and life has really been great since.
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:40 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rip View Post
Ah well, that explains it. My wife hadn't wanted to even snuggle for the past three years. When she found one of those boxes in my shopping bag last June, she went nuts and immediately divorced me.

Anyway, wanted to say I'm not mad, actually I wanted to thank you. Started putting that box to use a week later, and life has really been great since.
You look like Bill Dance there
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:49 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Itsthetwoofus View Post
Out of archives an oldie but goodie.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal*Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart...

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1) June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2) July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3) July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4) July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5) August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6) August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7) August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone!?'

9) September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10) September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11) October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme .

12) October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using
different sizes of funnels.

13) October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through the clothes, he whispered 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14) October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15) October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled
very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

I don't know what WM this guy was in, but the August 23th post is pure BS - when did you ever see a clerk at WM and especially have a clerk ask if he/she could help you?
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:45 PM   #9
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I love it!
I'm going to start making better use of my time when my wife wants to shop!!!
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:53 PM   #10
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Excellent...I now have a few new ideas! Thanks
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