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Old 10-03-2014, 02:30 PM   #1
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Slow Friday, so...

The internet can really waste a lot of time... so I wasted a lot of time looking for corny jokes:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

Velcro. What a ripoff

The bartender says, "We don't serve time travelers here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Woo.
Woo who.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.

conjunctivitis.com... now that's a site for sore eyes

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Wanna hear a joke about a pizza?
Oh never mind its too cheesy.

That's the problem with jokes about pizza - it's all in the delivery.

What happened to the frog that parked in the wrong spot?
He got toad.

Did you hear about corduroy pillows?
They're making head lines.

If someone hits you over the head with a coffee cup, have you been mugged?

What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.

My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
(rimshot)
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Old 10-03-2014, 02:34 PM   #2
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Ooo: One more for the geeks out there:

There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Old 10-10-2014, 02:27 PM   #3
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I needed this laugh
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Old 10-10-2014, 03:32 PM   #4
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Those were funny! Thanks for the Friday laugh!
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:59 PM   #5
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Talking

Those were great. Made me smile at the end of the week. Thanks
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:07 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arefbee View Post
Ooo: One more for the geeks out there:

There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't.

FYI.....I got it
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:18 PM   #7
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Quote:
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't.
There are 11 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who can't count at all.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:24 PM   #8
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A man walks along the beach one day. He comes upon a porpoise. The porpoise tells the man that if he’ll go into the forest and get a sea gull and bring the sea gull back to the porpoise, the porpoise will become immortal and live forever.

So the man walks down the path into the forest. He soon comes upon a lion sleeping across the path. He very gingerly steps over the lion and soon comes to a clearing. In the middle of the clearing is the sea gull. He picks up the sea gull and heads back down the path. When he gets to the sleeping lion, he once again very gingerly steps over the lion.

As soon as he steps over the lion, two FBI agents step out behind a tree and arrest him. They charged him with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises!
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Old 10-14-2014, 01:08 PM   #9
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At the Binary Poker Tournament, the winning hand was 100 of a kind. (A better hand than when Wild Bill Hickock had 1's and 1000's.)
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Old 10-30-2014, 10:27 PM   #10
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Here's my stupid family safe joke:

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?


Only outlaws are wanted

Sorry, I had to do it
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