Some Camping Tips

[MrSen]

Some Camping Tips

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When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
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Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
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Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
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When smoking a fish, never inhale.
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A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
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The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
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Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
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While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely un heard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
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Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
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Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
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You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
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You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
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When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
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You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
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Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
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A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
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A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
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You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
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In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
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The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
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Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."
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The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
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It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
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Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
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A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
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In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.