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Old 11-15-2013, 12:13 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Iwannacamp :

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 quarts of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 quarts of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a jar of instant coffee, and a pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt at check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

OK that one made me laugh out loud
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Old 11-15-2013, 12:17 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwannacamp View Post
ANOTHER...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 quarts of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 quarts of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a jar of instant coffee, and a pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt at check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
I almost choked on my coffee....thank you very much
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Old 11-15-2013, 01:49 PM   #13
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One of the corny Helen Keller jokes I can remember as a kid was

Q:What happened to Helen Keller when she cursed?

A:Her parents made her wash her hands with soap.
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Old 11-15-2013, 01:56 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Iwannacamp View Post
ANOTHER...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 quarts of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 quarts of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a jar of instant coffee, and a pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt at check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
NOW that was FUNNY!! Youroo!!
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:02 PM   #15
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Please! No tasteless joke contest.
I may be "trolled" into telling a few.
Goat goat goat!
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:24 PM   #16
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Your sick!! But I still enjoy a good laugh, keep them coming.
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:31 PM   #17
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Goat goat goat!
Me thinks it's Goad, Goad, Goad.
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:31 PM   #18
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Me thinks it's Goad, Goad, Goad.
We all know what I meant !
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:41 PM   #19
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Good deal... I hope your wedding went well.

PS:Tasteless and puns are my favorite
It did. Gained a new Son in Law. Thanks
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Old 11-15-2013, 03:12 PM   #20
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OK... I gotta type this one in...

There was an old couple. The wife was hard of hearing so the old man had to repeat EVERYTHING. They were traveling up an Oklahoma highway and got pulled over. The cop said... May I see your license and registration? She said... what did he say? He said... he wants our license and registration. The cop said... I need to see your proof of insurance. She said... what did he say? He wants our proof of insurance. The cop said...I see here you are from Arkansas... She said... what did he say? He said are we from Arkansas? Then the cop says... I used to date an old girl from Arkansas... she was the nastiest and stinkiest old girl I ever met. She said... what did he say??.... He said...He thinks he knows YOU!
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