Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-24-2013, 12:17 PM   #1
DDC
Senior Member
 
DDC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Komoka Ontario
Posts: 2,363
Te South

Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing ? I'm
too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette.He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new
reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard-- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the
trooper.


Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused
about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need
some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off ?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,

"Everthang but my earrings."


Louisiana


A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in
Louisiana ."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later
than in the rest of the world."



Mississippi


The young man from Mississippi came running into the
store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot !"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was ?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.


North Carolina


A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."


Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID ?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut ?"


Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch ?
Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep,"he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:

'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "



***
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin'
North.
__________________

__________________
"Well that didn't go as expected"
2015 Chev 2500HD Highcountry Duramax
Cedar Creek Silverback 33IK
Donald&Casey cairn terrier
Rest in Peace Mary my darling wife.
Scottish by birth Canadian by time.
DDC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2013, 03:10 PM   #2
DDC
Senior Member
 
DDC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Komoka Ontario
Posts: 2,363
While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'

To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what?

A rectum stretcher?

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******? ' he asked.

'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'

Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face...............PRICELESS
__________________
"Well that didn't go as expected"
2015 Chev 2500HD Highcountry Duramax
Cedar Creek Silverback 33IK
Donald&Casey cairn terrier
Rest in Peace Mary my darling wife.
Scottish by birth Canadian by time.
DDC is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Virginia Campgrounds

Reviews provided by




ForestRiverForums.com is not in any way associated with Forest River, Inc. or its associated RV manufacturing divisions.


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:16 PM.