Things I learned from my children

[wmtire]

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.

11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.

[Herk7769]

Good ones.

[Cajun Po-Boy]

Nice

[dj3spots]

OMG. I needed a good laugh today. This was priceless.

[Weezer]

I read this on another forum yesterday...there was a footnote re number eight.

"80% of adult males who read this will try it".

"8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it."


So, did you try it wmtire? Or did you already know it from experience?



P.S. Reportedly this is a true story, written by a mom of boys in Florida. God Bless 'er....I could add some things to her list...I raised three sons.

[Weezer]

Such as;

Getting in to Dad's home made muscadine wine while Mom and Dad are out to dinner does *not* make it possible to fly when you jump off the top of the house.



And using Mom's vacuum cleaner to clean up upchuck caused by said consumption of muscadine wine is *never* a good idea.