Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-03-2013, 04:47 PM   #1
Site Team
 
wmtire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 15,048
Tips for Northerners moving to the South

Tips for Northerners Moving to the South

If you are a northerner you will inevitably want to someday move south to warmer weather and away from… well you know what I mean. Here are a few tips that will help you transition into southern ways.

First, you are going to need to get used to hearing proper english. After hearing words pronounced incorrectly all your life you may feel like you are in a foreign country. The letter “R” is used often in words so you will need to get used to that. Just give it some time and you’ll be communicating just like a pro.


Now being up north has probably made you very angry which is why you are so aggressive and rude. Sort of like a bear coming out of hibernation. We understand that down here in the south and are tolerant to a point. I know your momma told you that politeness was a weakness but remember that your momma is a yankee. If you get the idea that your aggressive, rude behavior may give you some type of competitive edge just remember that there are more guns than people in the south. Plus plenty of wide open spaces to bury you.

Waving is a southern tradition. Sort of like cursing is in the north. When someone waves at you they are not indicating that they need assistance so you don’t need to ignore them. Instead, wave back. If you don’t you will be seen as rude in which case you should refer back to my point about the guns and wide open spaces.

When it comes to driving in icy conditions we concede that you have us beat. This being said, if it does snow it is best if you stay off the roads. We know you can drive on ice but you should know that we cannot. If you do decide to drive make sure you keep a 12 pack of beer in your trunk. This is not for you. It is for the 2 guys that will be pulling you out of a ditch with their 4 wheel drive truck after an out of control southerner runs you off the road. No need to help, just give them the beer and go on your merry way.

Speaking of the weather, if you live near the coast down here in the south you will no doubt be introduced to what we call a hurricane. Southerners are known to wrestle live alligators and hunt wild hogs with just a bowie knife and a bandana. In other words, they don’t scare easily. I say this to drive home the point that if you see southerners evacuating then something bad is definately about to happen. A hurricane is like a bad redneck marriage. It is almost certain that someone’s going to lose a trailer. After it is all over you will see a phenomenon that you have probably never seen in your life. People helping other people for no reason at all. Don’t worry, it is contagious but it won’t kill you.


Before you head south, start saving bacon grease in a can. There is no need to refrigerate it, just keep it under the sink. When you arrive down south you will be instructed on how to use it.

We spoke a while ago about guns. In the north only the mafia, cartel members and the police carry guns. Down here we all have guns. It is not unusual at all for a 10 year old boy to get a shotgun for his birthday. We believe that gun control is when you use both hands to aim. Keep this in mind the next time you get the urge to honk at the guy in front of you.

Now, a little more information about that bacon grease. Up north grease is something that gets into pipes and requires a plumber to clean out. Down here we cook with it. It makes almost any dish taste better. We add it to baked beans, collard greens, turnip greens, green beans, hash brown potatoes, fried eggs and so much more. To be southern you have to cook southern and eat southern so just get used to it. It will subtract about 10 years from your life but hey… You’re a northerner.

Speaking of food, eating down south is going to be a little different for you. We don’t eat scrod or lox. Let me see if I can create a mental picture for you. New Orleans is the center of the universe when it comes to good food. Think of it as the sun. As you move away from it the food gets worse and worse. If you go to New Orleans and don’t like the food then living down south is not going to go well for you. Also, we will fry and eat almost anything. Frog legs, chickens, turkeys, pork chops, egg plant, okra, squash, seafood, onions, pickles, cheese and even ice cream. What do we fry it in? Grease. We love grease. How do we remove grease? With soap of course. Where does soap come from? Grease. That is sort of cool. Kind of like the circle of life.

Don’t talk about how nice it is up north or how much you miss home. You never hear Haitian boat people do that and neither should you. Keep in mind that many of us have visited the north. Why do you think we make fun of you? Just enjoy your new found freedom. We have everything you need here. Fresh air, mild winters, plenty of waterfront and beaches, mountains, woodlands, streams, fishing, hiking, camping, sunshine and more. Plus you can join us in making fun of yankees. That is sort of the best part.

If you are a guy and lucky enough to have escaped the north at a young age you are going to want to know a little bit about southern girls. They are not like northern girls.
  • Tip Number One – you don’t have to pay them for a date. Remember, you are in the south now.
  • Tip Number Two – No cursing. Remember, this is a southern girl, not your mother.
  • Tip Number Three – Don’t tell her where you are from. If you have to, just say you are from Canada.
  • Tip Number Four – a prenuptial agreement is useless. Remember, she probably owns a gun and her father most likely has some acreage purchased for just such an event.
__________________

__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS

Ducks are just all-terrain chickens
wmtire is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 05:12 PM   #2
Mod free 5er
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Concord, NC
Posts: 24,215
Very good advice, but that is just making us have a mass infestation of DY's.
__________________

__________________
OldCoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 05:21 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
rattleNsmoke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Western Connecticut
Posts: 1,571
I love it!. I'm born and raised in the North but my heart and soul somehow belongs south of the Mason-Dixon. Hell, I own a pickem' up truck, ride a Harley and did get my first shotgun around age 10. Yeeee-haw.
__________________
2010 Cedar Creek 5th Wheel 34SATS "The Beast"
2006 Ford F350 Lariat 6.0L Diesel
2003 Harley Heritage Softail "Hogzilla"
1986 Marriage to "Wifey" (patience of a saint)
rattleNsmoke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 05:49 PM   #4
Site Team
 
wmtire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 15,048
Quote:
Originally Posted by rattleNsmoke View Post
I love it!. I'm born and raised in the North but my heart and soul somehow belongs south of the Mason-Dixon. Hell, I own a pickem' up truck, ride a Harley and did get my first shotgun around age 10. Yeeee-haw.
Glad you stated that, which brings up the following:


A frequently asked question is whether a child born in the south to a Yankee couple is officially a southerner. The answer is NO. Yankee DNA does not change merely because of a persons location when born. If it did then yankees would be flying down by the thousands to have their children here.


Here are the scientific facts:

If a child is born to yankee parents while they are in the south then that child is still a yankee. DNA testing has confirmed this over and over again. Gene therapy has been attempted but donors have been difficult to find so progress in this area has been limited.

If the child marries a southerner they would have what we would call a mixed marriage. If the child marries a yankee then they are right back where they started and have made no progress whatsoever. This rarely happens since yankees hate each other even more than they hate southerners. It would be like eating at McDonalds when you live next to a 5 star restaurant.

Assuming the child of yankee parents marries a southerner, the children produced by that union would be eligible for full southern citizenship, but only under certain conditions. First of all, the original grandparents (full blooded yankees) need to be either dead or living in a foreign country. The reason for this is simple. Genetically, this child is still 50% yankee and any northern influence at this point could tip the scales and create yet another yankee. If you feel that the child needs grandparents then you may want to consider a surrogate program. The National Organization of Surrogate Elderly or NOOSE has a great program that provides grandparents in situations like this. The child will never know the difference and the results are phenomenal.

If two generations have passed and there has been no northern influence in a childs life then you should have yourself an honest to goodness southerner. But wait. There is no need to take any chances. Observe the child and look for the following characteristics -
  • Holding a door open for strangers.
  • Letting a lady go first in line. (applies to men)
  • Waving at neighbors.
  • Respecting people of all races.
  • Treating others like they would want to be treated.
  • Literacy and a desire to go beyond the 10th grade.
  • Calm Even Temper. No sudden outbursts of cursing.
  • Love of family and country.
  • Love for the south and all it stands for.
If they exhibit all these characteristics then it is safe to say that your families heritage has been forever altered. Congratulations.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS

Ducks are just all-terrain chickens
wmtire is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 08:01 PM   #5
Trailer Trash
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: MN
Posts: 608
I got pulled over by the highway patrol in San Antonio many years ago. It was a rare event as they received 2 inches of snow the day before I arrived and another 3 inches when I landed at airport. So here I am driving 40mph on freeway and magically, the cop lights are behind me. When he say my drivers license, he just rolled his eyes and said you're on of those Yankees from Minnesota that loves this white stuff. Get off the freeway as you will die! Somebody will smash into you as we can't drive in snow!

The south is great about 4 months out of the year. The other 8, the heat and humidity would melt the guys from the great white north! And appropriately (aka right on time) snow is done on Minnesota. Next day California is on fire once again this year.

Now just for the record, I'm the Yankee that loves Cajun/Creole food and Zydeco music. My new hero from the south is Tickle from the show Moonshiners. Anybody creative enough to sell many gallons of moonshine from an RV kitchen faucet is a genius in my book!
__________________
joelek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 08:19 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
hkreck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,190
Excellent, Myself and a few other Yankee's are coming down to Vicksburg at the end of the month. Thanks for the advise we will try to behave.:-}
__________________
Henry & Tena
2013 Solera 24S
The Great Escape
hkreck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 08:54 PM   #7
Senior Member
 
Scratch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Gruene, TX.
Posts: 343
Here in Texas, a CHL replaces the driver's license as proof of citizenship when applying for your temporary visa...
__________________
Scratch sends...
'12 nights camped: 12
'13 nights camped: 24
'14 nights camped:
Scratch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2013, 09:25 PM   #8
Senior Member
 
Helmsey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 774
Just remember. Nobody retires and moves north
__________________
2015 Chevy 3500HD
2013 Sandpiper 365SAQ
Helmsey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2013, 07:22 AM   #9
Trailer Trash
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: MN
Posts: 608
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helmsey View Post
Just remember. Nobody retires and moves north
I remember reading that on one of those signs in front of a Baptist Church. It's the gospel truth you betcha!

My favorite area in the entire USA is coastal region of NC to northern FL. And my 100% top favorite place is Jekyll Island, GA.
__________________
joelek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2013, 08:09 AM   #10
Canadian Member
 
itat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Eastern GTA, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,904
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helmsey View Post
Just remember. Nobody retires and moves north
Actually, up here in Canada, lots of people do! But then we are crazy Canucks.
__________________

__________________
2011 Rockwood Signature Ultra Lite 8293SS, 12K Equal-i-zer WDH
2016 Ford F-250 XLT SuperCrew, 6.2L, 4x4, 6'9" bed, 3.73, w/ snow plow & camper pkgs.
2010 Rockwood Roo 23SS (2012 - 2014)
2009 Ford F-150 XLT SuperCrew, 5.4L, 5'6" bed (2012 - 2016)

itat is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Virginia Campgrounds

Reviews provided by




ForestRiverForums.com is not in any way associated with Forest River, Inc. or its associated RV manufacturing divisions.


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:20 PM.