Man to Ticket Agent: “I want to buy a plane ticket for Norwald... for a vacation, you know...!”
Ticket Agent, searching book: "Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald anyway?"
Man: “Over there. He's my brother!”
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Top Signs You're At A Bad Motel - The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.
- The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.
- The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic.
- There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow
- The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.
- You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.
- There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.
- The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.
- The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with roseanne on it.
- The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter.
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A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.
Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.
The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."
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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said.
"Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."