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Old 09-11-2014, 09:17 PM   #1
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Well planned funeral

A man and woman were married for many years.

Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.

Then one evening, he died when he was 98.

After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"



The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."
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Old 09-11-2014, 09:33 PM   #2
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Nice.


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Old 09-11-2014, 09:38 PM   #3
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Old 09-11-2014, 10:43 PM   #4
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Here's another one



Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year,

And every year Stewart would say, "Barbara, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Barbara always replied,

"I know Stewart, but that helicopter ride is seventy dollars,

and seventy dollars is seventy dollars!"

One year later Stewart and Barbara went to the fair, and Stewart said, "Barbara, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride
that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Barbara replied,

"Stewart, that helicopter ride is seventy dollars,

and seventy dollars is seventy dollars"

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's seventy dollars. "

Stewart and Barbara agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvres,

but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word ...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Stewart and said,





"By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out,
but you never did ...

I'm impressed!"

Stewart replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Barbara fell out,




But you know, seventy dollars is seventy dollars!"
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Old 09-12-2014, 02:22 AM   #5
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Both were too funny!
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Old 09-12-2014, 05:43 AM   #6
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Actually laughed out loud on both of those! Good way to start my morning, thanks!!
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Old 09-12-2014, 06:27 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BiigDaddy View Post
Actually laughed out loud on both of those! Good way to start my morning, thanks!!
X2 on that!
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