Wise woman's advice
Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Certified JB Welder. Certified 3M Duct Tape installer.
Certified Farmer's Co-Op bailing wire expert. Graduate of the "Rock on the side of the Trail as a Hammer" school of motorcycle repair.
Getting old is just a matter of narrowly missing all the things that kill you.