A sign that there is hope ---

[Summer2Go]

Evo, though I disagree with much of what is being said, I am inclined to agree with you. I am current teaching about 500 children a week, and have taught thousands. Most parents have appreciated everything I could do for their child, and are very welcoming of assistance. It takes a village!
......and now I'm done.

[TitanMike]

Originally Posted by Iwannacamp

With our youngest child we tried the Love and logic approach. When I first heard about it I thought you are supposed to love them till they do better. I am no expert, but I knew that wouldn't do it. We went to classes...it will work. We failed and went back to the old ways...so did he. You must re-learn how to be a parent.

I was a good kid, but I was pretty scared of the consequences of my actions. I didn't hang out with bad kids...that was the real reason.

As was I. Way too many of today's children do not have that fear. I have had the opportunity to ride with Law Enforcement on patrol and can't count the number of times I heard "so what, I'm a Juvie and there's nothing you can do to me". At the worst they get a few weeks of "detention" for crimes that an adult would get several years in prison for.

They also show the same defiance to parents. I had a grandson that told his dad there was nothing he could do either. "Dad" took his son for a tour of the local homeless camps and a short visit to the County Jail. Still didn't work and my grandson ended up with a criminal record before he "didn't" graduate from High School.

The good news is that after a stint as a homeless teen (kicked out when 18 because he'd become a danger to the family) he finally saw the light. Today he's in his mid 20's, has a great job, and is thanking Dad for actually saving his life with the "Tough Love". There's a lot more too the story but it's just an example of how today's world of teen defiance hit our family.



Note: Almost all of us here have or have had children and raised them through all kinds of "social pressures". It's a part of our society and a major issue today, especially if drugs are involved. No, it's not directly RV related but it certainly is "family related" and worthy of discussion. There was no intent to offend anyone when I posted the thread starter, just merely to show there was a parent concerned about the direction his teen was taking and was doing something about it.

[Nancyc7]

It depends. My daughter *needed* spankings, public was much more effective, short, quick and effective. My son, talk to him, explain things, no BS and he's a good listener. Worked very well. Now they are adults, both with masters degrees and good jobs that they like, great people. I don't want to sound freaky deak but I read their eyes. You can see defiance or fear.

[seagrace]

Yeah, I too was raised in the era of "Children should be seen and not heard" and to this day willow trees still make me nervous. My parents beat me, er "spanked" me to ensure proper behavior, and what it instilled in me was fear. Fear and resentment. To this day, I still resent that treatment. I resent it so much that I swore I would never strike a child for any reason, and it tainted my relationship with my parents - when my father spanked my first daughter, he never saw her again for the next ten years, and after that, was never alone with her.

I raised two intelligent, beautiful, well-adjusted children to adults. Both of them have college educations, and my youngest is pursuing an advanced degree in her field. They are successful, kind, good human beings that I am proud to know. I never struck them. ever.

You can raise children without beating them. It takes patience, creativity and a willingness to appreciate non-violent approaches to problem resolution. What worked on one daughter (timeout), my other daughter laughed at, but putting her in a corner worked.

I implore all parents, please, do not fall into the "I was spanked, so it's okay for me to spank" pit of violence. Find ways to adjust behavior that don't involve fear and resentment. Find ways to be a loving parent, even when unhappy with the behaviors.

[Iwannacamp]

I was spanked as needed(many times I "got away" with something and felt guilty about it sometimes too). I tell people the switch works. I still remember "get me a switch" and then getting one to small and going back. Prolly only happened once or twice, but I remember it and that was 45ish years ago. There are alternate methods to teach your children, but they have to be used. My GS(the best one there is) is... active, busy, mean, rough, spoiled, tuff and a bunch of other adjectives and needs spankings. I spank him very little as I can threaten with his Lolly or mother and he will straighten up pretty quick. He is as sweet as any little child ever most of the time, but there are times.

[packrat48]

I grew up when there was spanking in school and knew that if I got one at school I would get another at home. Also had to cut a switch and being sent for another if to small.

[Nancyc7]

Originally Posted by seagrace

Yeah, I too was raised in the era of "Children should be seen and not heard" and to this day willow trees still make me nervous. My parents beat me, er "spanked" me to ensure proper behavior, and what it instilled in me was fear. Fear and resentment. To this day, I still resent that treatment. I resent it so much that I swore I would never strike a child for any reason, and it tainted my relationship with my parents - when my father spanked my first daughter, he never saw her again for the next ten years, and after that, was never alone with her.

I raised two intelligent, beautiful, well-adjusted children to adults. Both of them have college educations, and my youngest is pursuing an advanced degree in her field. They are successful, kind, good human beings that I am proud to know. I never struck them. ever.

You can raise children without beating them. It takes patience, creativity and a willingness to appreciate non-violent approaches to problem resolution. What worked on one daughter (timeout), my other daughter laughed at, but putting her in a corner worked.

I implore all parents, please, do not fall into the "I was spanked, so it's okay for me to spank" pit of violence. Find ways to adjust behavior that don't involve fear and resentment. Find ways to be a loving parent, even when unhappy with the behaviors.

My sister feels pretty much the same way you do. She resented it so much she never had a good relationship with our parents as an adult and spoiled her one child completely entirely. My niece has turned out to be a lovely person but had a tough childhood. She was so disrespectful and selfish, her own grandparents didn't want her around, much less other kids at school.
You have to learn about your children as well as teach them. It's not easy and no one is perfect.

[RubyDually]

What works with one will not work with the next kid and vice versa. Everyone is different.

I just want to say no matter what works or what doesn't there are two things that always need to be done..... NEVER give up and NEVER stop loving them!

Our daughter put us through he!! in her teenage years where we tried a multitude of things... some worked.... some didn't.... eventually she came around and today she is one of the two best things in our lives.

[Iwannacamp]

I will say that one person or child's definition of mistreatment may not be another's. My parents spanked as needed, but honestly I was a good kid. I didn't give them a bunch of reasons. In early school...I got tons of spankings. Tons. In the 7th grade I had a coach spank me...that was pretty much the end of it. Did I grow up or was I more feared? I dunno.

The DD was a good kid till the teen years. Never got many spankings...only a couple from me, but prolly needed more. The GS has had many times his mothers, but he is BUSY and stays into stuff. You literally have to watch him as he will climb the walks(to be 5 in Jan).

Also. One parents punishment is abuse where another's may not be.