What the heck is wrong with some people??

[PHS79]

Ok, I just have to vent a little about my mother in law and a few things that she has said over the last year that have gotten under my skin. And also just see if its me that is thinking of this wrong or not, and what would you do in my position? Because I am honestly at a lose...

Here are a few examples:

#1 Last year when we bought our 2012 Grey Wolf 26BH, one of the first nice days after we had bought it my in-laws came down for the day so my wife wanted to show them the new camper. The first thing my MIL said "yep its a camper", second was "so how much did this thing cost?".
Mean while my FIL just kept saying nice things about it and how much fun we were going to have with it, ect.

#2 We were camping with a big group of friends about 1.5 hrs from home on the 3rd weekend in August just like every year with the group that we were with, and we make the reservations a year ahead of time. And my wife had just gotten back 5 week before this from being in China for 3 weeks for work, and she was leaving the next weekend for another 3 weeks in China.

On Sunday as we were relaxing and hoping the camper was going to pack itself my MIL calls my wife and asked if we were coming to her brothers house for "a family bonding day" (whatever that is...), my wife said no and that she told her brother that we were camping and wouldn't be making it for the grill out he was having. Then my MIL starts telling my wife that she is "starting to become an orphaned child" and asked "how could she just blow off spending time with her family"

#3 As a Christmas gift my parents took myself, my wife and my 3.5 yo daughter to Disney World for 8 days.

My parents had taken out travel insurance just to be safe. We ended up having to use it because an ice storm delayed our 1st plane which meant we missed our flight to Orlando had to spend the night in Minneapolis. Once back we end up hearing my MIL had said "of course the rich would take out travel insurance" and a couple other snide remarks that I didn't fully hear. (also my parents are by no means rich, they worked hard at the businesses they owned and sold, they are now retired)

I am so sick of dealing with her and her BS! Or and I thinking of this all wrong?

I would like to completely cut ties with her, walk away and not look back. The bad thing is that my FIL is one of the nicest guys I have ever met and just puts up with her _____, we don't want to punish him not seeing his grand daughter because of his wife

What would you do?

[Terier]

Sometimes it can be hard to understand why people say what they do. Some people can't stand it when others are happy. Other people like to be in complete control of everyone in their circle.

Hopefully others will be able to chim in and offer some advice about your m-i-l. A child cannot have too many people love them so the last thing you want to do is punish your daughter by cutting out her grandparents completely.

[TURBS]

She's jealous .

Your fine.....


Btw I "know a guy"

[thunderalley3]

It is a tough situation my friend. I was in the same boat as you for awhile. My father inlaw was one of the nicest guys you would ever meet and I thought the world of him and his wife was the biggest "everyone owes us something" I have ever met. Unfortunately there is no good answer, no matter what someone is going to be hurt.

My wife got over the situation way before I did but I truly enjoyed my father inlaw and tolerated her for the sake of my wife and daughter who was young at the time. I was lucky ,,, I guess that they solved the situation for us.. They lived winters not far from us and then went back north in the summer. Well about 10 years ago they got in a hard spot and with the situation they were in parking their fifth wheel year round here, and payed an increased lot rent for 6 months and then it was discounted the 6 months they were gone, but the park was very to the day on the 6 months. Long story short they needed $600 to get home and had a check coming in a couple weeks to pay me right back. Well that 2 weeks has turned into over 10 years and neither I nor my wife have heard from them,,, as my wife has said many times, it was the best $600 I ever spent.

[handbuilder]

Every family has a level of dysfunction...those that grow up within tolerate it better than the oitsider who married into it. You wife should deal with her controlling Mom. Since you are so.miserable and easily baited, then You should prob stay home & your wife and daughter can go visit the in-laws without worry of your being goaded into a response that validates your MIL...you'll never win the point, even if you are right....stop thinkimg you'll miss out on the last word if you dont go to their function now and then. The world wont stop turning; you and your wife and daughter jist make your camping plans and go enjoy that new RV.

[Wiscampsin]

It's a tough situation. Sounds like you're between the proverbial rock and hard place. Some people are never happy, some complain and b-tch about everything, others rejoice in making others miserable. The list can go on and on. Best you can do is ignore it even though it may be tough to do at times. The last thing you want to do is say the wrong thing to either DW or MIL that would make the situation worse. Last 2 campers we bought my own mother asked how much they cost. I replied "1 million dollars" which ended that conversation.

[jcrayford]

Unfortunately, she will never know how you feel as long as you keep it bottled up - and your FIL will always look at you as another one of your MIL's victims....

Next time something is said while everyone is around and you can't keep your cool, respond with "Why do you insist on trying to make my life as miserable as your's seems to be?" in a nice calm tone of voice.... One of two things will happen - she'll either lighten up, or you will never see her again (win-win). But your FIL will always secretly be cheering you on!!!!

J.

[dkb74]

I agree that either she's jealous or just one of those attention seeking martyrs.

I would let your wife be the one to deal with her directly, and then listen compassionately with a bottle of wine ready for when she comes to talk to you about it.

Family is hard. You can't "fix" her, but you can fix how you relate to her. Just be like a duck. Jack Daniels helps.

[Rugged Brown]

Contact that guy that Turb knows.

[awellis3]

Originally Posted by handbuilder

You wife should deal with her controlling Mom.

X2 on that.

[garbonz]

I always look to my own reaction to situations and try to understand what is spinning me up so much. I have decided that my own overreaction to "fairness" is what is driving my emotion, and my concern for how others are treated.

Many people are ignorant of how they show up in the world, AND incapable of changing if you point it out to them. That is not to mean that you don't make an attempt to push back in a gentle way, especially if you are on the outside of the core family and can see things clearly. Just don't get to attached to whether the MIL actually changes her attitude, cause that may or probably won't happen. You may feel better about it tho.

IMHHHHO

[youroo]

Pray with & for her! Youroo!!

[ryand]

Not going to go into to much detail....I feel your pain. There are somepoeple on this earth who are not happy unless they are un-happy. Some people ONLY look for the negitives in life and let all the positive things pass them by. Some people take and take emotionaly from those around them and never give anything back. Sometimes it is heathy to purge these folks from our lives..... Eaiser said than done.

[mackman1994]

I know where you are coming from. My DW and i just bought a new TV 2012 F-350 CC long box!!! My DW gets a call from her mother and her father made it a point to let us know that our new truck would not fit in an automatic car was!!!! I couldn't hardly believe it!!!!! Then the DW wonders why I drink!!!!

[garbonz]

ENERGY VAMPIRES. THEY will suck you DRY. Get garlic and a bejeweled cross.

I am not totally kidding. It is helpful to know this and only you can give up your energy, but in reality some people are really good at sucking you dry and it is hard to stay engaged with them, and not feel depleted...

[NanaKaren]

Agree with the "pray with and for her", but there are also non-confrontational comebacks that can diffuse the situation, like.....

Price - not enough to worry about or more than you want to know

Not coming to family gathering - You know we plan this trip every year. You can add or use by itself - It is our time with our extended family of friends. We'll be with you on the "next holiday" (i.e. Thanksgiving, Christmas, whichever one is coming up).

Only the rich can afford..... Well, when we've earned our first million, we'll buy it too.

She's expecting the kind of reaction/response you typically give her. If you can respond like above, it will take the wind out of her sails. Over time, she may stop.

Good luck and remember, she will have to answer for these kinds of things she does!!

[Pipeman]

What jcrayford said. Tell her off and either she will shut up or she's gone. I was lucky I had the best MIL and FIL you could ask for.

[ependydad]

Originally Posted by Pipeman

What jcrayford said. Tell her off and either she will shut up or she's gone. I was lucky I had the best MIL and FIL you could ask for.

It doesn't work that way- I've had my share of blowups with people. Generally they cause lingering angst and haven't solved any problems. And, I haven't been able to commit to severing any ties. Especially when it's the kind of personality that the OP described. :-(

[rjshiflet]

Originally Posted by PHS79

...I would like to completely cut ties with her, walk away and not look back. The bad thing is that my FIL is one of the nicest guys I have ever met and just puts up with her _____,...

Hmmm - are we related? What is your MIL's name...wonder if it's the same one I have? Sure sounds like it...and my FIL, great, GREAT man.

[Taylorgso]

I come from a different perspective. My mother always had negative comments about anything my wife did. "Just trying to be helpful." My only recourse was to visit with mom alone, and invite her to our home less and less often. I regret that decision now that shes gone, but at the time it was about the only solution. My mother was headstrong and often a pita. Make no mistake, I loved her dearly.