What would you do?

[TheWolfPaq82]

In the back of your mind......you already know the answer. Don't second guess yourself and do what you already have decided on.

[Jan and Jim]

Best time ever to sell an RV unit. Get issues settled than decide whether to buy another unit.

[mnoland30]

If I were sick, it would kill me to have my spouse stay at home and be miserable. The advice always given to caregivers is to take care of yourself first. Just like on the airplane "put the oxygen on yourself first, then the child." A little time away may make both of you feel better. God bless.

[Freetyme]

Tough one. Given some comments on her health circumstances by yourself, I'm leaning towards RV comfort accommodations since it sounds like no specialized home equipment is required. I know it's hard to enjoy life with pain, but if she truly enjoyed the RV and travel before I'd try some comfort mods. Better as a couple, I'd find it difficult to leave on my own but wouldn't be in a hurry to ditch the RV. Modern medicine has come a long way. Best of luck.

[Tim Harrison]

Sell the camper and focus on your wife. However things turn out, you will not regret making her your priority.

[Dan n Gerda]

I could not go and leave my wife behind! I would simply not enjoy it! We’ve been married 54 years, since I was a US Army E-4.we have been separated by Military assignments and later because of short business travel! She has also visited family in Germany alone when I or neither of our daughters could make the trip! We’ve camped in tents in Italy, tents across the USA, a pop-up Apache, two different VW campers, and now our Class C RV! Our daughters and their families are avid campers! So, my apologies for the length, but it is a very personal choice! If you are even mulling it over like this you probably already have your answer! One of my thoughts is “are your wife’s health issues related to the camper? If so, I would find out why with all the toxic crap that still goes into campers, cars, trucks, and more today! God Bless! Dan

[Gottaluvlife]

Lots of good advice already.
But here's an idea, is there a campground close by your home that you could set up and take care of the few things you mentioned, relax a bit but still be close enough to go home each night? And if she happens to feel good maybe she could join you for a night?

[wanderer26]

Read your post with great sadness. My wife and i were married over 51 years. I just lost her on 2 sept 2020 at the end of a great vacation. Both of us were retired. We have had a number of rv’s over the years and traveled. 2 years ago i bought her a new fifth wheel that we enjoyed in texas and arizona over 2 winters. She fell ill for the last two years of our marriage. She could still go but wound up in the hospital everytime. My advise would be to spend as much time as you can with her. You will surely regret it if you don’t. If she can go take her but don’t go off by yourself. If something unexpected happened you will never forgive yourself. My wife and i did everything together for 51 years. Now i’m alone and hate it.

[Alben]

You mentioned your wife’s health condition is not terminal, but is chronic. You never mentioned if you have any adult children. If you do, perhaps you should ask them if they would be willing to stay with your wife, their mom, for a week and have mother/child quality time. You need some time alone, and just maybe she needs some one on one time with the kids. Tough situation to be in. Sounds like you need some heart to heart talks.

[rwriley1053]

Originally Posted by Tim Harrison

Sell the camper and focus on your wife. However things turn out, you will not regret making her your priority.

x2

[efrulla]

Personally, I would not go without her. Neither one of you will have an enjoyable experience.

[mooseherd]

My wife had a period (~10 years) when she was very ill and I was a regular caregiver rather than a partner. I would work and then care for her. Luckily, I had a job that allowed me to leave almost as needed so I was able to pretty much handle things. My kids live nearby so that allowed for grocery trips, etc. BUT, it can be so very wearing on you and it's very easy to lose track of your own life. You are committed to being with her, of course, but you need to take care of yourself as well. I went to counseling and support groups and overriding theme was to take care of yourself first. You can't care for someone else if you lose track of yourself. One of the best things I did was to attend an annual convention for caregivers. We had sessions like "Who cares for the caregiver?" So, how does that fit in here. I would work hard to find someone you can trust to be available for your wife that can be there if you can't get back quickly, if needed. Then, take a short trip or trips. For now, I wouldn't look to your plans after retirement and rather focus on the now. Many things could change before then. Take care of your wife, but also take care of yourself and give yourself permission to do things that are for you. I believe it will make you a better caregiver and partner in the long run. Don't shut the door on your plans, unless you absolutely must. You never know what the future may bring and in the mean time, you have some things to focus on besides the illness. But, of course, only you can decide what's best for the two of you. This is just my opinion and experience. All the best.

[Gottaluvlife]

Originally Posted by wanderer26

Read your post with great sadness. My wife and i were married over 51 years. I just lost her on 2 sept 2020 at the end of a great vacation. Both of us were retired. We have had a number of rv’s over the years and traveled. 2 years ago i bought her a new fifth wheel that we enjoyed in texas and arizona over 2 winters. She fell ill for the last two years of our marriage. She could still go but wound up in the hospital everytime. My advise would be to spend as much time as you can with her. You will surely regret it if you don’t. If she can go take her but don’t go off by yourself. If something unexpected happened you will never forgive yourself. My wife and i did everything together for 51 years. Now i’m alone and hate it.

Sorry for your loss!

[DouglasReid]

You have had some very long replies that I did not take the time to read, but my advice will be short and sweet. At the risk of repeating some already given advice here goes......................

I would not go without her. My time with my wife is more important to me than anything else. It is finite and those moments away cannot be regained.

You do not say what her medical issues are but if it were me id make EVERY effort to take her on a trip, even if it was to a local park.

If she passes, you will only think of the time you were away from her when you could have shared it with her. The things you saw or did without her will be not just insignificant, i would regret not spending that time with her for the rest of my life!

Just my .02

[McKannick]

Nope, not me. You may have a guilt trip that will haunt you badly.

[Sebourn]

We are enjoying a 50+ year marriage. I would have no second thoughts - stay with her.

[Accountingphd]

Okay. Let me give you this from the wife’s perspective. I have a chronic, debilitating condition that can keep me in bed for days on end (3+ years, no sign of improvement). Good days mean I can get around the house with a single cane and outside the house with a scooter. A couple of years back and a 12+ hour day on the way to a destination was no problem. My son and I would go out for 10-12 weeks in the summer. And I did all the driving.
Because of my condition we went from a microlite with a Murphy bed to a class A. Now I don’t go farther than 4 hours in a day. And I may wake up and not go anywhere. No definite plans are made because I don’t know if I will feel like getting out of bed or off the couch to see any sites. A sharp contrast to my highly scheduled plans from years past.
It really is a matter of what concessions you both are willing to make to be able to “camp.” For me it is worth it to be in my own space instead of a hotel room when I am feeling bad.
Do I think you should take a trip by yourself? No one but you and your wife can decide that. My husband had no grudges with me spending summers traveling with our son (as long as I didn’t leave the dogs and cats with him).
Good luck to both of you.

[runner2002]

I think you have to remember that the reason for the rv, and the trips, are to share time and adventures with your wife. It's not about being there, it's about being there with her. I learned this the hard way. Because of health issues and just plain being tired of it made my wife not want to visit our tt which was permanently on a campsite at the beach. So I would go alone, and to tell you the truth, never really enjoyed it and spent most of the time waiting to go back home. BTW, I learned this lesson a little too late, after my divorce.

[BeckyMax]

Being on the other side of the coin, I am the one with the health concerns..... Your wife doesn't want to spoil your trip, but she is feeling lost with this new way of life and no longer being able to do the things the two of you planned. She needs you there with her to show that your relationship is the most important thing. She has lost so much in dealing with her health already, don't make her question whether she will lose you too. I'm certain that is not the case, but from her point of view I can tell you that many nights I have cried myself to sleep grieving for the life I had planned.

Be there for her and go when the 2 of you can go together.

Sorry for the bluntness.... I'm just relaying how I feel.

Becky

[OutOfTheTent]

Originally Posted by Chuck324

If my wife had some kind of health problem but felt she could manage being away from home, knowing some days she would not be able to get out of bed but still wanting to camp. It would be a no brainer for me. The TT would be on the market and gone ASAP and we would be camping in a class C, super C or an A. If her health went down to the point she could not travel we would stay home from then on.
The main reason I would make this decision is I know camping would help to make my wife feel better and I would do it as long as we could.

I tend to agree with not going, but also with the idea of buying something your wife can more comfortably travel in.

Ten years ago, I was in chemo, once every 3 weeks for 6 rounds of it. I was totaled for the 3 days following chemo, and after the first 3 weeks, had very little stamina. I taught figure skating at the time, and just following a beginner around the rink got me out of breath. To take our annual camping trip, I needed 4 weeks between rounds 3 and 4. My doctor said no problem, so off we went, with my husband knowing he was going to do EVERYTHING, which was a lot, since we were in a tent back then, with a wooden bed he made, that had to be put together and taken apart, and a big screen house, and a lot of cooking equipment, and a hammock, and, and, and - you get the picture. That two weeks of being outdoors, by the lake, in the fresh air, under the trees, with friends, did me a world of good. So, I say, do whatever you can to enable your wife to go. A different question than the one you asked, but, though I am a science and hard evidence person through and through, I also believe that being outdoors and away from the everyday environment can contribute significantly to one's well being and health.