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Old 09-21-2020, 09:14 PM   #41
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Perhaps you could go camp in your rig where it is currently parked (?)

Spend some time just as you might on a "trip". Stock your trailer, cook
your food and so on.

But, you would be close to home to check in and yet you could "get away".

Maybe see how your wife could handle you not being "at home"...
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Old 09-21-2020, 09:51 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by GrandpaPaul View Post
My story has both differences and similarities. In my case, my late wife was a cancer and heart attach survivor who's cancer came back and settled in her bones and lungs. In addition, the youngest of our six sons, Joshua, was born with Down's Syndrome and required a lot of help. I wasn't in a good financial position for me to retire, not old enough, and take care of them when it first happened. She took care of herself and Josh and it was getting harder on her by the time I was turning 57, which gave me a little extra on my retirement. I told her I would retire, take care of them, and for her to not worry about the finances, we would make it some how. When I retired the doctor's told the wife she only had 2 more months to live, she went past that by over 2 years. (I was hoping for an moji of her thumbing her nose at the doctors, but I guess one of her laughing at them is close enough.) I stayed with her day in, day out, but had to get out of the house a couple times a week to take Josh places and to go shopping. When ever I was out of range for me to hear her, she would go into panic attacks, so some of the ladies from our church took turns coming over and sitting with her while I was gone, in fact I heard they would get in arguments about whose turn it was because they all loved going over. That made me kinda proud ofthe lady I married.

Before she passed away in 2007, she asked me if I would take Josh traveling when she was gone, so when she had passed and all the hoopla was over, Josh and I went to visit his five brothers (that trip was California, Nevada and Utah). Didn't take long to figure out that driving a car was NOT the way to go. Purchased a 19' Crossroads Sunset Trails plus a Chevy 1500 Silverado. The pair turned out to be the perfect match for each other and us. We got the new rig just over two months after the day she died and just over 4 months after her death, she came back and took Josh home to Jesus with her. 8 weeks with the new rig less the last week and a half when Josh was in ICU, in 6 1/2 weeks Josh spent 23 nights in that TT. We were constantly on the go, last trip, we made the circuit again to see all his brothers. We figured out afterwards he was saying good-bye to everyone because he knew he wasn't coming back.
Anyway, I figured out that the wife knew I was going to need the TT because trips in it to work on family history or to visit & photograph cemeteries were what kept me sane the next couple or three years.

Remarried 7 years ago to another wonderful lady. Since then knees are shot, have type 2 diabetes with neuropathy in both the feet and the hands, my balance is almost gone. New DW loves going out in the TT, but a 10 1/2 week round trip, California to the Maine in a 19 foot TT when she retired almost did her in plus living in it for over a year while we were getting our house ready to sell and then living in a RV Park for couple of months after we moved. Plus the TT didn't have anything that was powered other than me and I was worn out from use and abuse after years as a heavy equipment mechanic, so when we got to Bakersfield and her eldest son expressed an interest in it, we let him have it.
She had surgery on her lower back just before we moved to Bakersfield but never has healed right from it and now the middle of her back is hurting and the surgeons are saying more surgery and she is saying unkind things about the surgeons and trying everything she can come up with to get out of it. She misses some of her old friends from where we used to live as well as her 96 yr old step-mother who lives in Medford, Oregon (and had to be evacuated the other day). She likes to be able to see them from time to time and its a multi-day trip for her. I always tell her to go, never complain about the costs when she gets them presents or takes them someplace fancy for dinner. Never know if this will be the last time she sees them in this life, so I want them to enjoy themselves. By the same token, I take off overnight every-so-often by myself and she doesn't complain. Of course we also spend time on the phone to each other every evening we are gone.
But, she really has missed that old trailer and our trips, so when I happened to be surfing and saw the floor plan for a Rockwood 2608BS Ultralite, spent the morning studying on the internet then I asked if she wanted to go for a ride which somehow took us right past the local F-R dealer. Went in, as I told her, "just to see what the new trailers were like". We looked at two or three and then I asked them if they had any of the 2608 (I knew they had 2 on the lot). She walked into that TT, took one look at the kitchen with all the front of the TT being counter space and cabinets and then the sink, stove and fridge 90 degrees to it and she fell in love (she not only worked as a Registered Dietitian and Nutritionist, but also as a caterer). Later, I did a note to myself that it took her longer to fall in love with me than the TT!!! Anyway, we walked out of there with the paperwork started for a new TT. We're in Calif., not the place to buy an RV right now, so we paid too much, but I knew that going in, and knew she'd be happy. Now with the wild fires, not the best for camping either. But the wife is Very Happy, we've been able to do 2 to 3 night every 3 weeks or so, it gets her to better altitudes where the air quality is a little bit better, there are lots of big green trees, green meadows, running water, and the Fur Babies (but they are for a different thread) love camping and the DW loves them. My body is still worn out, it takes me a couple hours or more to set up and to take down, I have had to develop new methods of doing things, and so has the wife. Everything is good.

To PD2436, sorry to be monopolizing your thread, hope you don't get too upset with me. Sometimes we need to hear someone else's story to be able to apply pieces of it to our own story. It's helped me in the past.

I'd like to share a few thoughts with you:
There are lots of trips in our lives; from a trip to the store to weekend camping to a cross country trip and of course the greatest trip, coming to this life and living with all the mortal experiences it has for us then heading back home (some folks call it dying, but I think of it as graduating from hi school into a graduate program).
Sometimes our decisions are win-win, some times lose-lose, and sometimes half and half. One thing about our becoming more mature senior citizens is that we can look back at those decisions and see through the eyes of experience, wisdom and a changed heart that we really didn't do near as bad as we thought we did. Sometimes we also find out that in the long run, no matter what we decided to do, it didn't really matter. What mattered was Love for each other.
Take for instance your concerns if you should go on a weekend trip. PROS if you go: It would help you get some things done on the TT. She might appreciate seeing you doing something you love. She might also appreciate a little time away from you (everyone needs a break once in a while and she might like an opportunity for some girl-girl time (someone once said that a man needs a woman, and a woman needs a man, and a woman she can talk to). It would give you some "Me Time", which for someone who is a caregiver is something you dearly need from time to time and Will Need To Take from time to time. CONS: She MIGHT feel abandoned and that you don't love her. You might feel guilty about it. You and/or she might worry about her getting the help she needs while you are away. Maybe you won't get as much done on the TT if you try to do it all at home.
There are probably more that the two of you can come up with. I found in my case that it is good if I discuss things with the DW, they both have been very good at coming up with gems of wisdom. Praying together about it is good, if the two of you aren't into praying together, then just ponder on it, don't be in a hurry, let your mind digest it and get back to you later (usually when you are thinking about something totally different). But the main thing is the two of you coming up with the plan of action if you can.
I've found, and I am definitely not all that smart, that if we both love each other and let the other one know that, and then we work together on whatever is facing us, then, not only does everything work out in the long run, but sometimes, we also find that what we did didn't really matter in the long-term scheme of things because what really mattered was our love for one another and that we had worked on it together.

Again, I apologize for being so long winded.
I want to thank the PO for this question because I know that many more than just he and I have been and are affected by this or a similar challenge.
I love every one who has shared on this thread and pray for each of you and yours.
In closing, can I share a link to an article from RV Life titled "Living, Loving, & Full-Time RVing While Caregiving" about a couple where the wife has a progressive, degenerative, and often fatal genetic disease. They decided to become full-timers. It's something that will help everyone who has or may face any of the things we have been speaking about, https://rvlife.com/full-time-rving-while-caregiving/
A hearty AMEN from a retired marriage and family therapist RV-er. I think Rv-ers are some of the best folks I have every come across. Proud to be a part of this community.
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Old 09-22-2020, 08:34 AM   #43
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Do NOT go. She might say go ahead & go without me. She will likely regret it once you're gone & relaxing without her. You're right, have no regrets in life, its too short so live every day like it's your last, and her last too. Sorry, not trying to be morbid here, but enjoy the time with her while you have it. Just 1 man's opinion.
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Old 09-22-2020, 10:58 AM   #44
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I'm sorry your wife is ill.
My husband and I live full-time in our travel trailer (by choice. We sold the house).
I'm finding out that we are quite comfortable.
Yes, we do get sick.
But this is our home and you can be sick anywhere.
There were campgrounds open during Covid. You just have to search for them.
We hope you have a great time and can talk her into joining you.
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Old 09-22-2020, 11:55 AM   #45
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You are no alone in your circumstances, rest assured. You are entering the realm of the care giver, and the first person you have to care for is yourself. It is unfortunate that your wife cannot travel with you. You can travel and bring the trip to her through social media as you go and by taking loads of pics and videos to share when you return.

Start with short, two day trips at close range. Make sure she is cared for, and has good communications with you, this will ease any anxiety she may feel with your absence.

If these trips work out, you may feel comfortable extending them some. Stay within your comfort zone and hers.
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Old 09-22-2020, 12:31 PM   #46
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I suggest you bite the bullet and stay with her until she may possibly be able to go. A few years back I had an accident that required my DW to wait on me hand and foot for several months. Not once did she complain or regret it. Today, I could never see my self leaving her alone.
Our best wishes go out to you and your wife. Hope is always present until one gives up. Don't give up.
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Old 09-22-2020, 12:47 PM   #47
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My heart hurts after reading these posts of people coping with illnesses.
There are no good answers to your dilema.
About the only thing you can do is 'follow your heart.'
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Old 09-22-2020, 12:52 PM   #48
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There is the "if you have to ask" rule. Basically if you have to ask advice, then more than likely the answer is no. After being married for so many years, one should know when the spouse is being sincere or not. If she brings it up uncoerced, then she is being sincere. If you bring it up to her and she says go, then more than likely she really doesn't wish to be alone.

My wife knows when I need to get away and will insist that I do. In my case it is to go to the flying field and spend some time with my eyes in the sky. If it came down to camping by myself, I wouldn't no matter how much she insisted because it just wont be the same, and I bet that is exactly what the OP feels too. In my case camping isn't for me, but for us, my flying is for me, but I invite her along too because she enjoys watching me fly, but neither of us feel a need to do it together, but camping, well, that's us, always has been, and always will. From the OP's post I get that to be the same feeling too.
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Old 09-22-2020, 05:05 PM   #49
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Individual decision

Tough decision. We have been camping for 20 years. Bought a 2018 Forest River Superlite and loved it. At the same time began hormone therapy for my prostate cancer. I was drained of energy, stamina and desires. On three trips I knew I could not do it all anymore. My wife and I had a very emotional conversation (my part was emotional-hormone therapy causes me to cry some), so one month ago, my son picked up the payments of our new camper. It still bothers me we have to give up camping but I know it was the right decision. I am 75 and the timing was right. We will now camp in state park cabins and use our time share. It is your decision but I would not go camping by myself. With 47 years married to the same person, sometimes “yes go” does not mean yes.
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Old 09-22-2020, 05:48 PM   #50
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Here is my story.


My wife and I bought our very first camper in 2016. Even though we both worked, we found time to do tons of traveling and seeing all kind of places and doing all kinds of things. In July of 2017 she started experiencing some minor issues with her speech and eventually was diagnosed with ALS. Her health rapidly deteriorated and ended with her death 2 years later. Over that 2 year period we continued our travels as best we could. Most trips were TONS of work while I had to both tend to her ever increasing needs all while trying to show her a fun time. She died 3 weeks after coming home from our longest trip ever which took us from Massachusetts out to The Grand Canyon and back. Her spirit never wavered even as she stood at death's door. I decided the best way I could honor her is to continue living. I downsized to a more suitable sized camper and am continuing my travels. Even though I cannot see her, I know she is with me. My angel copilot.
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Old 09-22-2020, 09:52 PM   #51
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I won't go in my medical history with my first wife. Just except that it was exceedingly difficult and involved two kids in diapers. She finally passed away. Here's my thought not advice, just a thought. If your wife is not bedridden but can get around and feed herself and do her toilet by herself, is agreeable with you going, never mind what might be in the back of her mind, she she agreeable. I would go. It's only a weekend. And if her health deteriorates it might be your only opportunity. I hope not. Of course. Anyway those are my thoughts.
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Old 09-23-2020, 09:24 AM   #52
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My husband was diagnosed in March 2013 with pancreatic cancer. As full timers, we had no stick built house; our RV was home. That summer we stayed in my daughters driveway-country living-and installed a concrete pad, water, sewer and electric for about 3gs. After months of MRI's, surgeries, tests, chemo (should I go on...) we took a final journey for a second opinion. The specialist, quote, go-live-your-life. So, we did. By October of that same year we were working at Amazon, then on to Vermont for 4 glorious summers. Sadly, 2017 was our final journey to Vermont. The cancer returned and by Feb 2018 my husband made his final journey home to the heavens. My husband was a strong, loving man who knew what he wanted...me. And he knew I was with him every inch of the way. Whether it was doing treatments/chemo in VA or Vt. I wanted him to be happy and free to do as he wished. The care we received in both states was extraordinary. Everyone went above and beyond to help us journey through this horrendous disease. His physical care was easily transferred between two cancer centers and sets of doctors without a hitch. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, your wife needs you now maybe more than ever; but if you know your wife as I knew my husband.....I trusted him completely on his decisions and believed in him. If your spouse tells you to go, then go. There may/will come a day when you can't. You'll know the right decision from your heart. Talk to her and know that if she's telling you to go, then go. Work out a plan that you both can live with. Our kids were also completely supportive. They wanted us to be as happy as we could be for as long as we could. I wish you well and peace of mind.
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Old 09-23-2020, 06:20 PM   #53
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Plan to go. See how things look as the time comes. Then go if it seems right. You may find once on the road you'd rather be home or you may realize that you'll be better off having made the trip.
We've traveled quite a bit but my wife can no longer go or be left alone. After months and months of caregiving 24/7, I'd go, but dont know if or how long I could stay away.
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Old 09-24-2020, 07:28 AM   #54
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Stay home. Sell the camper!
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Old 09-26-2020, 01:26 PM   #55
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OP here. Thanks for all the replies. I did not go alone and stayed with my wife. After a long in depth discussion we decided to keep the camper another year even if we don’t use it. I know it may not be the most fiscally responsible thing to do but i feel if we sell it she will lose her will to go on. So for now we will keep it and pray for the best.
Thanks to the FR community for your honest opinions.
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Old 09-26-2020, 03:04 PM   #56
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Good for you! Thanks for the update,
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Old 09-26-2020, 06:08 PM   #57
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Hope your wife is feeling better.
I was at the hospital on Thursday.
I go on plenty of solo trips, and some with my girl friend of over 20 years. The solo trips make for some separation and makes our relationship stronger. Sometimes I go with friends.
You are the only person that can decide if you wife really wants you to go or not. If she does, then do not hesitate to get out there.
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Old 09-27-2020, 06:52 AM   #58
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We've been married for 45 years. I thank God for every moment together. Even in the Military days, I could not sleep soundly without her next to me. I refuse out of town trips for work, because I cant take her with me. It's an easy choice for me, if She doesn't go, I don't go...!
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Old 09-28-2020, 11:34 PM   #59
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I can't imagine camping without my wife. After a long battle with Metastatic breast cancer my wife passed away last night at home with all of our children. As i write this i am in the camper with my grandson sleeping tonight since our house is full. I cannot imagine a camping trip without her right now. Its going to be hard to start camping without her. I guess only time will tell but for now its a no go.
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Old 09-29-2020, 01:01 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by mikenkyle05 View Post
I can't imagine camping without my wife. After a long battle with Metastatic breast cancer my wife passed away last night at home with all of our children. As i write this i am in the camper with my grandson sleeping tonight since our house is full. I cannot imagine a camping trip without her right now. Its going to be hard to start camping without her. I guess only time will tell but for now its a no go.
I am so sorry for your loss.
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