cute joke(s)

[jenandjon]

[wmtire]

...

[wmtire]

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink and went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen.
He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day people who bought tickets.
He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward.
Eventually he was forcibly removed from the movie theater

[wmtire]

I’ve had to return a few of those ‘For Dummies’ books.
Turns out they’re for novices, not idiots.

[HangDiver]

.....

[wmtire]

Dr. Frankenstein went to a bodybuilding competition. It was a terrible misunderstanding.

[wmtire]

...

[CurtPutnam]

It was easier to be in you 20s during the 70s than it is to be in your 70s in the '20s

[Scrapper]

Originally Posted by CurtPutnam

It was easier to be in you 20s during the 70s than it is to be in your 70s in the '20s

If you were in your 20's in the '70s and now in your 70's during the '20s, the years haven't treated you fair.


Must have something to do with the new math.

[Scrapper]

Originally Posted by wmtire

...Attachment 242591

Now we know why your ex left. She couldn't see herself looking like Thanksgiving dinner.

[Iwritecode]

Originally Posted by Scrapper

If you were in your 20's in the '70s and now in your 70's during the '20s, the years haven't treated you fair.


Must have something to do with the new math.

If you were born in 1950 then...

1970 = 20
1980 = 30
1990 = 40
2000 = 50
2010 = 60
2020 = 70

Regular math works for me.

[Hatchdog]

^^^^^ regardless of the math that’s a pretty funny saying. Yes, I was in my 20’s in the 70’s and I wil be in my 70’s in the 20’s.

I can relate.

[Scrapper]

Originally Posted by Iwritecode

If you were born in 1950 then...

1970 = 20
1980 = 30
1990 = 40
2000 = 50
2010 = 60
2020 = 70

Regular math works for me.

My bad, I forgot to include 2000 and 2010.

They must have not been good years for me.

[F.R.O.G.]

I survived the 60's.
Twice!

[TitanMike]

Originally Posted by F.R.O.G.

I survived the 60's.
Twice!

They say that if you remember the 60"s you probably weren't there

[SailorSam20500]

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.” I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”


Me: (sobbing my heart out, eyes were swollen, nose red)…I can’t see you anymore. I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!
Trainer: It was a sit up. You did one sit up!


Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.


It’s weird being the same age as old people.


When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.


Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.


Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.


It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.


Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.


My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight started.

I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in your first session but here we are…


If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?


I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.


We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to, ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’


So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?


If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.


I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.


Coronacoaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.


I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.


I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.


I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.


How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”


You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

[TitanMike]

My Daughter sent me this

[CurtPutnam]

Do not - warning

[myxkp]

Polar bear handling
Now that there is snow on the ground in several states it pays to remember what to do if you have an unwanted polar bear in your area
You cut a hole in the ice and line the hole with peas
when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole

[wmtire]

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.