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09-24-2021, 10:56 AM
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#2681
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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I just cleared out some space in my freezer. Now that sounds a lot better than saying I just finished another quart of ice cream, don't it? 
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cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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09-24-2021, 03:11 PM
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#2682
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,809
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A couple from a circus go to a childrens adoption agency, but social workers are doubtful about their accommodation.
So they produce photos of their 15 metre long caravan, the back half of which is a beautifully equipped nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that would be provided.
"We've employed an Oxford don who'll teach the child all the subjects along with Mandarin and ICT skills."
There are then doubts expressed about the child’s healthy upbringing.
"Our full time nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet," they reply.
So the social workers are finally satisfied and ask what age of child they were looking for.
"It doesn't really matter," they say, "as long as he fits in the cannon".
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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09-25-2021, 09:06 AM
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#2683
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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I'm not sure who needs to hear this, but Wal-Mart has fathers day cards in packs of five! 
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cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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09-25-2021, 09:07 AM
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#2684
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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My Doctor has advised me to stop drinking - which is going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years...
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 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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09-25-2021, 03:20 PM
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#2685
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 1,107
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A friend of mine adopted a dog recently, but they had to take it back after a few days to keep their neighbors from rioting.
The dog was nice enough, completely friendly, didn't bark.
But every time they let her our to potty, when she came back in she would be dragging a door. And not just any door. Fancy ones. Etched glass fan lights, gold filigrees, really expensive stuff.
Inevitably followed by a wronged neighbor wanting their door back.
They took her to the vet to see if there was something wrong with her, or if they could recommend something to modify the behavior, but the vet told them that it was one of the defining characteristics of that breed.
Turns out she was an Elaborate Door Retriever.
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-Qwkynuf
2003 F150 Supercab 4x4, tow pkg, 3.55 gears
2020 Flagstaff Micro Lite 21DS
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09-28-2021, 10:18 AM
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#2686
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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Looks like you can't use 'beefstew' as a password cause it's not 'stroganoff'
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cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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09-28-2021, 10:27 AM
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#2687
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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__________________
cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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09-30-2021, 02:14 PM
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#2688
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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What do you call it when someone gets ill when going to Louisiana AND Texas?
Being allergic to latex
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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09-30-2021, 02:26 PM
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#2689
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 127
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
What do you call it when someone gets ill when going to Louisiana AND Texas?
Being allergic to latex
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You've done better.
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We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”― George Bernard Shaw
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09-30-2021, 03:08 PM
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#2690
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EddieL
You've done better.
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Man, what a tough room.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-01-2021, 10:43 AM
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#2691
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5,060
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
Man, what a tough room.
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I thought it was good enough to send to my BIL who lives in Texas and periodically travels to Louisiana for work... 
__________________
Al
I am starting to think, that I will never be old enough--------to know better.
Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles. Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, Russian Novelist
S.E. Mich. Flagstaff 26FKWS / 2022 F-150 3.5 EcoBoost SCrew Propride
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10-01-2021, 10:51 AM
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#2692
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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Sorry, not even a rim shot or a botta bing-batta boom 
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cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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10-01-2021, 11:43 AM
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#2693
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! Wait…
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-01-2021, 11:47 AM
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#2694
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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That's better
__________________
cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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10-01-2021, 11:54 AM
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#2695
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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Tips from a pro on how to fall asleep in a chair.
Tip 1. Be old
Tip 2. Sit in a chair
Class dismissed.
__________________
cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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10-01-2021, 12:00 PM
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#2696
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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Nurse comes in and tells the Doc, there is a guy out in the waiting room who says he's invisible. What should I tell him? Doc says, tell him I can't see him today.
__________________
cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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10-01-2021, 01:53 PM
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#2697
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SailorSam20500
I thought it was good enough to send to my BIL who lives in Texas and periodically travels to Louisiana for work... |
Can you ask him for me if he travels to Louisiana often...or is it only on a cajun?
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-01-2021, 08:06 PM
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#2698
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 700
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Word got out fast when the first tire was invented and the inventor got a call the very next day. “Did you know your warranty is expiring soon”?
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10-06-2021, 09:10 AM
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#2699
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: N.Arkansas
Posts: 1,694
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If a person from Holland married a Filipino, would their kids be Hollapinos?
__________________
cyote61
DX3 36 TS 2018
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10-07-2021, 08:32 AM
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#2700
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5,060
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It's the season...
__________________
Al
I am starting to think, that I will never be old enough--------to know better.
Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles. Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, Russian Novelist
S.E. Mich. Flagstaff 26FKWS / 2022 F-150 3.5 EcoBoost SCrew Propride
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