cute joke(s)

[wmtire]

Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on tablets.

[aceinspp]

Wonder what employee put this up. Later RJD

[wmtire]

When do we get to cash in all this daylight we've been saving?

[F.R.O.G.]

Originally Posted by aceinspp

Wonder what employee put this up. Later RJD

I presume that it was someone who though that there were not enough crispy chicken sandwiches working there.

[F.R.O.G.]

Originally Posted by wmtire

When do we get to cash in all this daylight we've been saving?

That cash-in program has been cancelled. As with most people's savings these days, there was no interest.

[wmtire]

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded.

Pool maintenance was too draining.

I got fired from the cannon factory.

And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.

[wmtire]

Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?

Farmer: which one, black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: 6 gallons per day.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: 6 gallons per day.

Interviewer : Where do they sleep?

Farmer: The Black one or the White one?

Interviewer: The black one

Farmer : In the Barn

Interviewer: And the White one?

Farmer: In the Barn

Interviewer: Your cows look healthy... What do
you feed them?

Farmer: which one..black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: Grass

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: Grass

Interviewer: (annoyed) but why do you keep on asking if the black one or the white one when your answers are just the same??

Farmer: Because the black one is mine.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: Its also mine.

[SailorSam20500]

[SailorSam20500]

[myxkp]

Originally Posted by SailorSam20500

The ex never liked me calling it the dinner bell
🤪

[HangDiver]

......

[wmtire]

I've just been randomly flicking through the Acme Products web site. There seem to be an awful lot of negative feedback comments by user 'Wile E. Coyote'.

[Aussieguy]

Always some goof with a gripe on Amaz... ooops I mean Acme

[HangDiver]

......

[TitanMike]

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car……
found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
“I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”.
The four men didn’t wait for a second threat.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why.
It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.

[TitanMike]

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.

It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!

[wmtire]

How do you measure the quality of a dad joke?

With a sighsmograph

[HangDiver]

......

[wmtire]

I went to see a psychiatrist today..
He told me I had a split personalty and charged me $80 for the diagnosis. I gave him $40 and told him to get the rest from the other guy

[wmtire]

If you get an email saying beef is bad for you, ignore it. It's spam