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Old 11-03-2016, 02:26 PM   #81
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Want to know how to make $$$$ fast?

1) Hold down the shift key
2) Press the "4" button 4 times quickly.
Argh........

LOL
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:04 PM   #82
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I met a genie today who granted me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."

"Fine," I said, "I want to die when the Chicago Cubs win the World Series again."

"You're a sly devil!" said the genie.
It was nice knowing you!
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:12 PM   #83
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I met a genie today who granted me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."

"Fine," I said, "I want to die when the Chicago Cubs win the World Series again."

"You're a sly devil!" said the genie.
Have to change it to "Back to back" World Series, 108 yrs wasn't long enough.
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:15 PM   #84
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It was nice knowing you!
Funny thing, is I was reading this joke a few days ago, and wondered the same.

We still haven't heard from Platokidd today, and the genie may have got him.
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:24 PM   #85
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THEY WON
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:43 PM   #86
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Funny thing, is I was reading this joke a few days ago, and wondered the same.

We still haven't heard from Platokidd today, and the genie may have got him.
About 9 p.m. last night, a friend posted on social media:

"Is anyone gonna call in sick tomorrow? Asking for a friend."

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Old 11-03-2016, 04:01 PM   #87
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About 9 p.m. last night, a friend posted on social media:

"Is anyone gonna call in sick tomorrow? Asking for a friend."

The television announcers last night asked "all bosses to be understanding if employees were late or absent today"
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Old 11-03-2016, 09:47 PM   #88
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The television announcers last night asked "all bosses to be understanding if employees were late or absent today"
Especially in Cleveland??
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Old 11-03-2016, 09:53 PM   #89
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the curse is over

Pigs are flying, hell has frozen over and the curse of the goat has been busted.
After a 2 hour nap early this morning it was off late to work. But not before I stopped at Dicks sporting goods for some Cub World Series goodies.

Thought 3 Stanley Cups championships of the Hawks would have prepared me for this one World Series and for the most part it did. But last nights game 7 was more of gut twister roller-coaster ride that pushed emotions to highs ,then off the cliff and drained all sanity in the process.
But in the end it's WORLD CHAMPIONS CHICAGO CUBS!!!

I have friends in Cleveland and I have not heard a word from them, hope they're okay

Cub fans, wait til next year

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Old 11-04-2016, 12:28 AM   #90
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Just saw on the news - the Dicks in Rockford is plum out of Cubs wear.
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Old 11-04-2016, 08:46 PM   #91
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I never run with scissors.
.
.
.
.
.
Those last two words are unnecessary.
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Old 11-06-2016, 05:35 PM   #92
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Very Irritating

There is no need for you to tailgate me when I'm doing 55 in a 35.


And those flashing lights on top of your vehicle look ridiculous.
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Old 11-11-2016, 08:07 AM   #93
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Someone asked me "Are you drunk? "

I said yes.

That was the shortest job interview, I ever had.
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Old 11-17-2016, 01:22 PM   #94
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According to studies, we humans only use twelve percent of our brains. Just imagine how much more intelligent we would be if we could use the other seventy.
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Old 11-17-2016, 02:00 PM   #95
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I never run with scissors.
Those last two words are unnecessary.

If you see me running.....try and keep up...
I don't scare very easy....
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Old 11-17-2016, 02:00 PM   #96
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Someone asked me "Are you drunk? "

I said yes.

That was the shortest job interview, I ever had.
Made me laugh... I love the movie Flight... especially the first 5 minutes.
I was drunk then, and I am drunk right now...I am an alcoholic.
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Old 11-17-2016, 03:57 PM   #97
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I say no to alcohol, it just doesnít listen.
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Old 11-17-2016, 04:01 PM   #98
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A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in their backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed And her husband says "The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, now let's see how THEY like it!
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Old 11-19-2016, 11:56 PM   #99
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I walked into a car showroom today and the salesman said, "What are you looking for?"

I said, "Because I can't afford to buy one."
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Old 11-23-2016, 11:58 AM   #100
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I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards'.

I thought, That's just spam
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