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07-30-2019, 04:22 PM
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#1001
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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If you sat on your voodoo doll, you shouldn’t be able get back up again.
__________________
 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2019, 04:24 PM
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#1002
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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Equal rights? It’s considered a compliment when a girl throws a piece of her undergarments at a performing artist but if I tossed my freshly worn boxers at Beyoncé, I’d get arrested.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2019, 04:25 PM
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#1003
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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The combination of innumerable choices you’ve made in your life have brought you to this exact point, reading this exact sentence.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2019, 04:26 PM
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#1004
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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Cinderella must have had some seriously deformed feet if her shoe wouldn’t fit anybody else in town.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2019, 04:28 PM
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#1005
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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Even though most cars have electric windows these days, the phrase "roll your window up / down" seems to stay
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2019, 04:31 PM
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#1006
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Site Team
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Grayson County, Texas
Posts: 21,587
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Tire, get a job! 
__________________
2015 FR Wildcat 295RSX / GMC Sierra
Nights Camped: '13 = 49/'14 = 74/'15 = 74/'16 = 85/'17 = 110/'18 = 111/'19 = 86/'20 =108/'21 = 115/'22 = 135/'23 = 78; Booked for 2024 = 69 |
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07-30-2019, 04:33 PM
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#1007
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
*
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2019, 06:10 PM
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#1008
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
*
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
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Did you step on any oysters?
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas 
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07-30-2019, 06:49 PM
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#1009
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North of Seattle, WA
Posts: 17,362
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A young lady was walking in the City Park one day and she encountered an old man sitting on a bench just sobbing.
Concerned she stopped and asked if he was alright. He responded he was fine.
She then asked why he was so sad and crying. He proceeded to tell her how he had married a wonderful young woman. Every day they enjoyed each others presence from waking and making love, to the wonderful meals she prepared to when they retired for the night and made love again. He said he'd never been so happy in all his life and felt so lived.
Hearing this she was puzzled and said it sounded like he had a life that every man his age dreamed about so why was he so sad.
He responded -------"I can't remember where I live". 
__________________
"A wise man can change his mind. A fool never will." (Japanese Proverb)
"You only grow old when you run out of new things to do"
2018 Flagstaff Micro Lite 25BDS
2023 f-150 SCREW XLT 3.5 Ecoboost (The result of a $68,000 oil change  )
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08-01-2019, 11:46 PM
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#1010
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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Redneck at the doctor: “Doc, I think I’m in trouble, I swallowed an ice cube 3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-02-2019, 08:59 AM
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#1011
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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The devil shakes a pitchfork, the grim reaper swings a scythe… So is farming a big thing in the underworld?
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-02-2019, 09:25 AM
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#1012
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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I lost some weight last month. But now it found me again
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-02-2019, 09:33 AM
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#1013
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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*I love my rock-hard, honed six-pack so much I protect it with a good layer of lard.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-02-2019, 10:17 AM
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#1014
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,960
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You don’t get smarter when you become older. There just aren’t as many stupid things left that you haven’t done yet.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-02-2019, 12:42 PM
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#1015
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,817
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.....
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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08-02-2019, 12:55 PM
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#1016
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5,712
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Q: What is Preparation A?
A: It is the name of an over-the-counter product used to relieve the pain and suffering of asteroids
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08-02-2019, 12:56 PM
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#1017
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5,712
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When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:
Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?" A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"
Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?" An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"
Jay Leno: What are magnets?" A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"
Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?" A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."
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08-02-2019, 12:58 PM
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#1018
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5,712
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Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."
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08-02-2019, 01:01 PM
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#1019
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 5,712
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An Unsolved Question in Biophysics: Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
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08-02-2019, 03:44 PM
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#1020
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North of Seattle, WA
Posts: 17,362
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A large percentage of the US population suffer from Hemorrhoids.
The rest are perfect a-holes.
__________________
"A wise man can change his mind. A fool never will." (Japanese Proverb)
"You only grow old when you run out of new things to do"
2018 Flagstaff Micro Lite 25BDS
2023 f-150 SCREW XLT 3.5 Ecoboost (The result of a $68,000 oil change )
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