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Old 08-25-2019, 08:33 AM   #1061
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Originally Posted by Hatchdog View Post
I tell my wife that my sense of humor is stuck in the third grade.
My wife tells me that all the time.
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Old 08-25-2019, 10:51 AM   #1062
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Typical house in Wisconsin in the winter.
Not quite, DW doesn't like dogs.
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Old 08-25-2019, 11:34 AM   #1063
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Not quite, DW doesn't like dogs.


Notice he has the couch all to himself....excuse me the Davenport.
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Old 08-25-2019, 11:47 AM   #1064
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:22 PM   #1065
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Auto correct...
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:32 PM   #1066
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Notice he has the couch all to himself....excuse me the Davenport.
He has a town in Iowa all to himself
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:43 PM   #1067
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The fire joke
There’s a fire in the middle of a room and 3 buckets of water in the corner.
A physicist walks in, takes a bucket of water, pours it around the fire and waits for the fire to put itself out.
An engineer walks in and pours a bucket on the fire, it doesn’t go out so he goes off to check the fire safety standards.
A mathematician walks in, looks at the fire and the remaining bucket of water, convinces himself there’s a solution and walks out.
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Old 08-26-2019, 01:53 PM   #1068
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What would you do?
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Old 08-26-2019, 02:12 PM   #1069
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What would you do?
Depends on which way he goes if that car behind is yours.
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Old 08-27-2019, 01:17 PM   #1070
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When I was in my teens I played football
In my 20's I played volleyball
In my 30's I played tennis
In my 40's I played badminton
Now I play "Can I get out of bed this morning without messing up my back?"
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Old 08-27-2019, 03:06 PM   #1071
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.....
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:04 AM   #1072
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:41 PM   #1073
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Did you know, that despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:19 PM   #1074
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Do you know:

... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside furniture stores?

... that The Oldest Trick In The Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.

... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head... and darn it, I always get the Richard Nixon mask!

... that torture is better to give than to receive?

... that the The Root Of All Evil is fishsticks?

... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?

... the muffin man
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I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked."
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:08 PM   #1075
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... that*torture*is better to give than to receive?
Don't shame my kink.
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:39 PM   #1076
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Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
Do you know:

... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside furniture stores?

... that The Oldest Trick In The Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.

... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head... and darn it, I always get the Richard Nixon mask!

... that torture is better to give than to receive?

... that the The Root Of All Evil is fishsticks?

... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?

... the muffin man
So do doctors! Think about it!
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:40 PM   #1077
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Do you know:

... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?

... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a thing about it?

... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?

... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?

... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?... that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?

... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?

... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?

... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

... that it's not butter?
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:53 PM   #1078
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Do you know:

... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?

... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?

... that You may be able to read?

... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?

... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?

... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?

... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?

... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?

... that reading this post is a severe waste of time?
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Old 08-28-2019, 05:55 PM   #1079
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. . . That Wmtire has way too much time on his hands.
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Old 08-28-2019, 06:35 PM   #1080
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. . . That Wmtire has way too much time on his hands.


Mmhmmm. He SAYS he runs a tire store.
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