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11-23-2016, 05:07 PM
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#121
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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Math illiteracy affects 7 out of every 5 people.
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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11-23-2016, 05:07 PM
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#122
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas 
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11-23-2016, 05:08 PM
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#123
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:08 PM
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#124
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:09 PM
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#125
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:10 PM
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#126
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:11 PM
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#127
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:12 PM
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#128
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:13 PM
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#129
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:14 PM
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#130
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:15 PM
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#131
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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11-23-2016, 05:16 PM
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#132
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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11-23-2016, 05:18 PM
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#133
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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A blonde wanted to apply for job as a detective. She went into the station to apply, and the sergeant said, "I will need to ask you a few questions." "What is 2+2?" The blonde said, "4." "What color is the sky?" The blonde answered, "Blue." "Who shot Lincoln?" The blonde said, "I don't know." The officer said, "When you find out come back and tell me." So the blonde went home. Her roommate asked her if she got the job. She said, "As a matter of fact I did, and they put me on a case already!"
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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11-23-2016, 05:31 PM
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#134
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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Dr. Pepper: Doesn't have a PhD. Doesn't taste like pepper. LIES! ALL LIES!!
__________________
 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-23-2016, 05:33 PM
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#135
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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You know it's time to start using mouthwash when the dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-24-2016, 08:28 AM
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#136
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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I was talking to my neighbor Harold last night. He told me last year he read a story about stuffing the Turkey with a 5 hour energy drink before cooking.
I said "How did it taste?"
He said, "I don't know, we never did catch him"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-25-2016, 08:21 AM
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#137
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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Black Friday: Because only in America do people trample over each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-25-2016, 08:22 AM
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#138
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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Our local dentist is doing half price teeth cleaning today, it's plaque Friday.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-25-2016, 01:08 PM
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#139
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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If you're doing any Black Friday shopping today, please, remember to be a decent human being and think of others. Turn your phone horizontal before you record any fights.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-26-2016, 06:17 PM
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#140
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,931
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Dear Santa, This year please give a big fat Bank Account and a slim athletic toned body !
PS: Oh and one more thing, please don't mix up the two like you did last Year !
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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