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11-07-2018, 03:59 AM
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#641
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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*“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
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“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
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“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-10-2018, 03:08 AM
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#642
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I'll be cremated when I die - I'm far too lazy to take part in any zombie apocalypse
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-14-2018, 10:31 AM
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#643
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..
Thanks for nothing.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-14-2018, 11:41 AM
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#644
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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The doctor asked my elderly dad what he did first thing in the morning.
He said, "I stretch out my arms ...and if they don't touch wood with a satin lining, I get up."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-14-2018, 11:42 AM
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#645
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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My wife left me a note:
‘I’m leaving you because you’re so stupid and bigoted.’
Well I’m not stupid, I’m actually dyslexic. And I can’t help having big toes.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-15-2018, 04:25 AM
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#646
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I hate it when people can't let go of the past...
...Debt collectors are the worst.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-15-2018, 07:16 AM
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#647
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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At the end of the weekly office meeting one of the managers announced to the group that he had lost his wallet with $1000, and was offering a reward of $100 to the person who finds it.
After he had left the room I offered $200...
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-15-2018, 12:56 PM
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#648
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10,907
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Health nuts are going to feel really stupid one day, laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
__________________
1988 Coleman Sequoia - popup (1987-2009) - outlasted 3 Dodge Grand Caravans!
2012 Roo19 - hybrid (2012-2015)
2016 Mini Lite 2503S - tt (2015 - ???)
2011 Traverse LT, 3.6L, FWD
2009 Silverado 1500 Ext Cab, 5.3L, 4x4, 3.73
2016 Silverado 2500HD Dbl Cab, 6.0L 4x4, 4.10
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11-20-2018, 03:36 PM
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#649
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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When I die I want to be buried with some bronze arrowheads and my car keys, just to mess with archaeologists years from now.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-22-2018, 02:32 PM
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#650
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I stayed at the YMCA last week. It was ok like, but nothing to make a big song and dance about.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-22-2018, 02:33 PM
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#651
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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NEWSFLASH!
The origami bank of Japan has just folded."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-22-2018, 02:36 PM
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#652
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I told all my family I had won the lottery and would take them all out for a drink,
"I don't drink, can we go to Starbucks, " said my daughter-in-law. "
"Afraid not, " I replied, "I only won two million. "
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-22-2018, 07:33 PM
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#653
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for Pete’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-22-2018, 07:35 PM
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#654
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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Just got this message from a friend of mine from another country:
I'd just like to wish any Americans on here a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you're having a great day!
...now that's out of the way, can one of you tell me why you celebrate THanksGiving?
What exactly is Tom Hanks Giving anyway? and who is he giving it to?
& why is it such a big deal, did he used to be a right stingy miser
or something?
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-23-2018, 05:16 PM
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#655
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I finally found the true meaning of Xmas today.
It's for people who can't spell Christmas
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-25-2018, 01:11 PM
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#656
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Jefferson County, MO
Posts: 5,449
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Christmas is coming.
__________________
Bob and Joyce
2013 CC Silverback 29RL
2010 Ford F250 XL Crew Cab 6.4 liter diesel
ATU Local 788
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11-26-2018, 09:45 AM
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#657
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Site Team
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northen IL
Posts: 8,287
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One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
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11-26-2018, 01:36 PM
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#658
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwritecode
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.
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Cute, off in emails
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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11-26-2018, 02:55 PM
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#659
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I have a superpower.
I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them.
It takes a while though.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-26-2018, 02:56 PM
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#660
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,736
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I once went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.
Man, that guy can drink!
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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