cute joke(s)

[wmtire]

I'm always making jokes about the unemployed

Unfortunately, none of them work.

[wmtire]

[F.R.O.G.]

Bobby, that reminds me of a magician I once met whose signature trick was sawing a woman in half. He told me he learned how to do it as a kid, practicing on his family. He had two brothers and six half-sisters.

[wmtire]

Originally Posted by F.R.O.G.

Bobby, that reminds me of a magician I once met whose signature trick was sawing a woman in half. He told me he learned how to do it as a kid, practicing on his family. He had two brothers and six half-sisters.

Lol

[wmtire]

Yep

[JWood422]

[wmtire]

The sign in my hotel room said, "Not responsible for stolen items."

So I stole some stuff.

[wmtire]

When asked to say something at the funeral I said, "Bargain."

"Thank you," smiled the widow, "that means a great deal."

[wmtire]

My twin brother called me from prison and said, 'I need you to. . .'

'Swap places with you?', I said.

We're always finishing each other's sentences.

[rebellee]

Originally Posted by wmtire

When asked to say something at the funeral I said, "Bargain."

"Thank you," smiled the widow, "that means a great deal."

I'm stealing that!

[itat]

Originally Posted by rebellee

I'm stealing that!

You must have been to the same hotel!

[myxkp]

WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!

Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'�


HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SEND THIS TO YOU....THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS
WE CAN GET!!

[Iwritecode]

Originally Posted by myxkp

WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!

Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'�


HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SEND THIS TO YOU....THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS
WE CAN GET!!

It'd be funnier if it wasn't so true.

[CurtPutnam]

Eight words...
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one .

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-m! ent) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.!
Female... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

[Qwkynuf]

Originally Posted by rebellee

I'm stealing that!

I heard a slightly different version of this:

After the funeral service, I approached the widow and said 'plethora'.

"Thank you", she replied, "that means a lot."

[wmtire]

The three main things I've noticed about getting old is I've become forgetful.

[HangDiver]

Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had two Kitkats fall out of the vending machine by mistake.

[HangDiver]

.....

[HangDiver]

.....

[wmtire]

[emoji3544]HEALTH WARNING[emoji3544]
Coronavirus is spreading rapidly and is irreversible. The most serious source of contamination are banknotes - whatever you do don't touch them. Take them from your purses and wallets etc with gloves and put them in an envelope which you must seal and leave by your front door. Tomorrow morning I'll come to collect them and ensure they are properly destroyed. This is a free service, I'm doing it for the good of public health.