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02-24-2020, 11:58 AM
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#1501
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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I'm always making jokes about the unemployed
Unfortunately, none of them work.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-25-2020, 12:32 PM
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#1502
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-25-2020, 02:14 PM
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#1503
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Director, FROG
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Middlebury, IN
Posts: 3,519
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Bobby, that reminds me of a magician I once met whose signature trick was sawing a woman in half. He told me he learned how to do it as a kid, practicing on his family. He had two brothers and six half-sisters.
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02-25-2020, 04:04 PM
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#1504
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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Quote:
Originally Posted by F.R.O.G.
Bobby, that reminds me of a magician I once met whose signature trick was sawing a woman in half. He told me he learned how to do it as a kid, practicing on his family. He had two brothers and six half-sisters.
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Lol
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-26-2020, 04:44 PM
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#1505
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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Yep
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-26-2020, 10:33 PM
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#1506
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: At home
Posts: 1,457
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02-27-2020, 10:36 AM
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#1507
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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The sign in my hotel room said, "Not responsible for stolen items."
So I stole some stuff.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-27-2020, 10:36 AM
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#1508
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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When asked to say something at the funeral I said, "Bargain."
"Thank you," smiled the widow, "that means a great deal."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-27-2020, 10:39 AM
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#1509
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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My twin brother called me from prison and said, 'I need you to. . .'
'Swap places with you?', I said.
We're always finishing each other's sentences.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-27-2020, 11:13 AM
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#1510
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Elkhorn, NE
Posts: 145
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
When asked to say something at the funeral I said, "Bargain."
"Thank you," smiled the widow, "that means a great deal."
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I'm stealing that!
__________________
2012 Sunseeker 2250S/2008 Yamaha Venture (1300 cc V-Four)
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02-27-2020, 12:46 PM
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#1511
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Canadian Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Eastern GTA, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,238
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebellee
I'm stealing that!
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You must have been to the same hotel!
__________________
2023 Rockwood Signature 8262RBS
2016 Ford F-250 XLT SuperCrew, 6.2L, 4x4, 6'9" bed
2019 Rockwood Signature 8290BS (2019 - 2022)
2011 Rockwood Signature 8293SS (2015 - 2018)
2010 Rockwood Roo 23SS (2012 - 2014)
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02-28-2020, 04:24 PM
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#1512
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Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 700
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WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'�
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SEND THIS TO YOU....THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS
WE CAN GET!!
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02-28-2020, 07:09 PM
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#1513
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Site Team
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northen IL
Posts: 8,331
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Quote:
Originally Posted by myxkp
WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'�
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SEND THIS TO YOU....THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS
WE CAN GET!!
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It'd be funnier if it wasn't so true.
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02-28-2020, 08:04 PM
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#1514
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Multi-Slacker
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,279
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Eight words...
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one .
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-m! ent) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.!
Female... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
__________________
Safe Travels
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02-28-2020, 08:07 PM
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#1515
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 1,107
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebellee
I'm stealing that!
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I heard a slightly different version of this:
After the funeral service, I approached the widow and said 'plethora'.
"Thank you", she replied, "that means a lot."
__________________
-Qwkynuf
2003 F150 Supercab 4x4, tow pkg, 3.55 gears
2020 Flagstaff Micro Lite 21DS
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02-29-2020, 09:19 AM
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#1516
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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The three main things I've noticed about getting old is I've become forgetful.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-29-2020, 02:23 PM
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#1517
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,810
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Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had two Kitkats fall out of the vending machine by mistake.
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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03-03-2020, 10:16 AM
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#1518
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,810
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.....
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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03-03-2020, 07:41 PM
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#1519
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Scoundrel
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Posts: 2,810
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.....
__________________
2024 Geo Pro 15TB, 400W Solar, 2 Golf Cart batteries
2015 F-150 5.0L V8 XLT Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow Package, 36 gal tank, 3.55 locker, 1891 payload, Integrated Brake Controller, Roadmaster Active Suspension
Wooden Spoon Survivor
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03-04-2020, 01:35 PM
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#1520
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,954
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[emoji3544]HEALTH WARNING[emoji3544]
Coronavirus is spreading rapidly and is irreversible. The most serious source of contamination are banknotes - whatever you do don't touch them. Take them from your purses and wallets etc with gloves and put them in an envelope which you must seal and leave by your front door. Tomorrow morning I'll come to collect them and ensure they are properly destroyed. This is a free service, I'm doing it for the good of public health.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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