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Old 07-11-2013, 01:46 PM   #1
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Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

Wedding Rings for Engineers:
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:51 PM   #2
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Good laugh herk!
The scary thing is that there is a lot of truth there!
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Old 07-11-2013, 02:16 PM   #3
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I believe #2 might be in error, the glass is full, 1/2 with ? and 1/2 with air.

We loved #4 at Lockheed Martin working on the MLRS (Multiple Launch Rocket System).

Good ones Lou, TOWTA and I had good laughs at all of them.
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Old 07-11-2013, 02:30 PM   #4
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They're all good - but #3 is the best.
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Old 07-11-2013, 02:35 PM   #5
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They're all good - but #3 is the best.
Yeah, I liked that one too!
If nothing else, engineers tend to be practical.
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Old 07-11-2013, 02:55 PM   #6
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I find them all good and probably accurate as well. In my trade they used to say
" Once I couldn't spell Enginneer, now I is one!"
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Old 07-11-2013, 03:08 PM   #7
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Old 07-11-2013, 03:20 PM   #8
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Shame on you Bob, no more $1 birds for you.
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Old 07-11-2013, 03:28 PM   #9
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Wow that looks like an ad from Eastern Airlines flight magazine, a few years back. If the Engineers were left in charge of the Titanic, she would have reached New York!
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Old 07-12-2013, 11:49 PM   #10
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Heard from an engineering student at his graduation: "Gee! Four years ago I couldn't even spell enginere, and now I are one."

Joel
A retired electronics engineer
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Old 07-13-2013, 06:34 AM   #11
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Another engineer viewpoint, like Old Coot said in post #3.

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Originally Posted by herk7769 View Post
Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked."
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Old 07-13-2013, 06:39 AM   #12
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Another engineer viewpoint
Agree, see post #3.
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Old 07-13-2013, 06:41 AM   #13
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Agree, see post #3.
Aaah, I didn't read that far. Edited post to reflect your previous comment.

Now ya can't tell engineer jokes without referencing Dilbert.



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Old 07-13-2013, 06:42 AM   #14
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Aaah, I didn't read that far. Edited post to reflect your previous comment.
I like your illustration, was just agreeing with you.
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Old 07-13-2013, 11:12 PM   #15
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The Knack

This was sent to me by my son the mechanical engineer. I thought it was pretty good. Old Guys
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Old 07-13-2013, 11:14 PM   #16
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This was sent to me by my son the mechanical engineer. I thought it was pretty good. Old Guys
That is an oldie but goodie.
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Old 07-13-2013, 11:16 PM   #17
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Oops I'm not sure if that worked or if I did a boo boo. Old Guys

Okay then. By the time I had posted this the previous post was working and Old Coot had already replied. Maybe I'm not so dumb after all. Old Guys
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Old 07-13-2013, 11:44 PM   #18
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If it is not broke, you can't fix it and working means it operates well enough to figure out what is wrong with it.
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Old 07-14-2013, 08:32 AM   #19
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This was sent to me by my son the mechanical engineer. I thought it was pretty good. Old Guys
There is a ton of truth to that.
I was always dismantling things to figure out how they worked, and building stuff all around the farm. Dad says I started at about 5 years-old, when I mostly dismantled things.
As time went on, it went from rebuilding car and farm equipment engines, to restoring complete classic cars, to designing and building farm machinery and car trailers, to learning carpentry, electrical and plumbing, and so on and so on.
Funny thing is, when I went to university, I chose Civil Engineering rather than mechanical or electrical, as mostly I wanted to build bigger things.
Lots of people make fun of engineers, but I think they wouldn't mind being one.
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Old 07-14-2013, 11:24 AM   #20
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I once asked, "Who decided Roundabouts were a good idea?"...OMG! It's like closing your eyes and hoping you survive. The answer was, "An Engineer". 'Nough said.


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