Corporate Speak makes me crazy

[crasher]

It's 8:15 am and I've already heard all of these:

"You need to think outside the box"
"We all need to be team players"
"We need to right-size this organization"
"That guy was not a good fit"

Why don't they say - "Man up and go out there and find ways to get rid of people!" or "Let's destroy some lives people!".

Instead it's "we need to leverage our synergies and minimize our cost structure"

I'm not loving these people today. Corporate speak makes me want to throw things and hit people in the face.

[Rugged Brown]

These are some of the few that I have written down while attending management meetings.

"We cannot continue to work in silos"
"Even with our efforts we will not boil the ocean"
"we need to create synergy"
"drink the kool aid"
"throw a curve ball"
"circle the wagons"

[Arefbee]

They all sound like a highly proactive paradigm!
(The fewer meetings I'm in, the more I get done.)

[OldCoot]

Was told early in my career that "The only things that come out of meetings are 'people' ". Found it to be so true over the years.

[acadianbob]

I also love all of the nouns that are morphed into verbs. Like: Let's actionize this plan . . .

[mhartzel]

can I get change for a paradigm?

[Cowracer]

I am a plain-spoken, eloquent, and enormously profane man. To me, profanity is not sign of a weak mind, it is the spice of language, and I have a reputation at work of being able to strip paint from the walls when agitated. A good "f" bomb, applied with skill and precision, can make a point better than a 1000 milder words.

I must attend meetings all the time with the 'corporate' types who think dropping buzzwords equates to talent and skill. They will get all full of nonsense and vagueness and think they are wowing the crowd with their corporate acumen. The look on their little shiny faces when call them Bat-S**T crazy is priceless. Because I wear bib overalls and work boots at work (company supplied, OSHA required), sometimes I'll get a guy thinking I am some sort of uneducated yokel, and tries to put me in my place verbally. They bring their buzzwords and verb-nouns. I bring the more ribald parts of the Kings English, along with selected phrases in German and Russian. Its kinda like bringing toenail clippers to a gunfight. It never ends well for them.

I bring all this up because I've been told by a couple of people that it seems that whenever I am in a meeting, there is less nonsense, and we tend to stay on topic better. All it takes is one person with an "I don't have time for your crap" attitude who's not afraid to speak up to keep those kind of people in check.

Don't be afraid to be that person.

Tim

P.S. I can teach you the German and Russian curse words if you want.

[Rugged Brown]

Originally Posted by Cowracer

P.S. I can teach you the German and Russian curse words if you want.

Maybe start another thread. Probably won't get sanctioned by the moderators.

[joelek]

Read this Buzzword bingo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Watch this

bullshit bingo - YouTube

[joelek]

Originally Posted by Rugged Brown

Maybe start another thread. Probably won't get sanctioned by the moderators.

Watching the clock to see how long it takes before bingo post gets downsized.

[bakken]

I remember sitting in a meeting with a bunch of "suits", everyone trying to decide how to make a $50 million project work within the budget.
As a junior design engineer I was just supposed to be taking notes and being polite. But I got frustrated at all of these bigshots unwilling to stick their necks out, finally speaking up and pointing out to them that if they just eliminated one frivilous part of the project, we could do it well within the budget.

Even my senior engineer was taken aback, as I suppose all he was thinking about was the loss of a few bucks in design work. But in the end, my proposal was adopted, and everyone was more than happy.

It always seems that everyone is protecting their own selfish interests, and it is hard to get anyone to compromise. They hide behind "corporate speak" to disguise their selfishness and unwillingness to act. How much better the world would be if everyone acted sensibly.

And that goes for the factory and the dealers who service our rigs. Don't hide behind excuses, just do the right thing!

[Dovetail]

Originally Posted by wincrasher

It's 8:15 am and I've already heard all of these:

"You need to think outside the box"
"We all need to be team players"
"We need to right-size this organization"
"That guy was not a good fit"

Why don't they say - "Man up and go out there and find ways to get rid of people!" or "Let's destroy some lives people!".

Instead it's "we need to leverage our synergies and minimize our cost structure"

I'm not loving these people today. Corporate speak makes me want to throw things and hit people in the face.

Just another reason I love retirement!

[crasher]

Originally Posted by joelek

Read this Buzzword bingo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Watch this

I may have to make up a similar card to take to my next meeting. They'll think I lost it when I yell out "bingo!".

Love when he says "our customers don't know what we are talking about". Neither do we! LOL.

[rockin'ray]

I heard enough of that crap from management in my last job. Then I told them to go to hell and get their heads out of their a$$es. Don't miss that job at all.

[Cajun Po-Boy]

Originally Posted by dunnnc

Was told early in my career that "The only things that come out of meetings are 'people' ". Found it to be so true over the years.

Like that one

[Fire Instructor]

Best way that I've seen to rid a meeting of long-winded speakers who just want to show-off the new buzz-words that they learned is to take the chairs out of the meeting room. People speak only to the direct point if they have to stand to do it. Meetings are MUCH shorter (and more productive!).

[OldCoot]

Originally Posted by Fire Instructor

Best way that I've seen to rid a meeting of long-winded speakers who just want to show-off the new buzz-words that they learned is to take the chairs out of the meeting room. People speak only to the direct point if they have to stand to do it. Meetings are MUCH shorter (and more productive!).

Either that or lock the door to the meeting room.

"The only thing that comes out of meetings is people."