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Old 03-20-2013, 10:59 AM   #21
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Not going to go into to much detail....I feel your pain. There are somepoeple on this earth who are not happy unless they are un-happy. Some people ONLY look for the negitives in life and let all the positive things pass them by. Some people take and take emotionaly from those around them and never give anything back. Sometimes it is heathy to purge these folks from our lives..... Eaiser said than done.

X2

Except I run into these people all the time ....occupational hazard........I just realize thats the way they are & don't let it bother me........ Kill them with kindness.......... The older I get the less they bother me.......... The MIL loves to complain thats just the way she is.... she does not mean anything by it......She did have a tough life. ( Long story) I don't worry about it...... Love Her Anyway.......( She drives the DW crazy sometimes ) Lifes too stort!!!.

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Old 03-20-2013, 11:35 AM   #22
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My only advice.

Sign up for Groupon and watch for the wine sales. You can get a $75 certificate for $50.

Seriously the only option is to let it roll. My in-laws have a neighbor that is like family. She just can't believe our kids have ipads or play 60 softball games a year and all the other stuff we do. Every time she says something along those lines I take a drink before responding. Usually, i then forget about what she just said.
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Old 03-20-2013, 11:48 AM   #23
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She will be gone one of these days and the problem will be solved and you can then relate all the horror stories. Until then, just bite your tongue and smile and ask her how to resolve the problem she seems to have with whatever you've done to make her comment. Like "what should we do about ---?" Put the ball back in her court, but calmly and quietly.
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Old 03-20-2013, 06:31 PM   #24
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Thanks everyone! It makes me feel better that I am not the only one that has to deal with this. I talked with my sister in law (my brother in laws wife) since I know she feels exactly the same way as me and they have also had similar experiences with our MIL. I talked with my DW and she has talked to my BIL about this and they have agreed to the fact that there has to be a family meeting to get this out in the open. We just have to figure out a way to get my DWs little sister there, she is almost an exact copy of my MIL which is very scary!!!

My DWs little sister is also my MILs "favorite kid" so even though is a total b*tch, and is always right like my MIL, she can do now wrong and is basically bragged about all the time for doing almost nothing. Don't get me wrong I will give credit where credit is due, my BIL (wifes brother) is a very good example he is a Sargent with the State Patrol-- an instructor at the Patrol Academy-- on the SWAT team and is a great dad/husband, so he deserves TONS of credit. My DW got an award at her employers corporate banquet last year in front of 500-600 of her co workers, she was only the second non-management person to get this award. But my MIL never gives any credit to my BIL or DW, but we hear about little sister all the time. Its just plain sad!

OK, rant over. I feel better now! Thanks everyone!!
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:15 PM   #25
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In my situation, my parents were the difficult ones- my in laws are incredible. My mother in particular was prone to say extraordinarily hurtful things to just about everyone. I don't think she ever considered herself as being being mean either. We never seem to recognize these sorts of qualities within ourselves.
One year it was so bad I walked out in the middle of thanksgiving dinner, after having traveled 1000 miles to join the family.
Now my parents are dead, and for all the fighting fussing and feuding, I wish it were not so. I make it a point to remind my friends that, believe it or not, you will miss this person.
One more thing. You must find a constructive outlet for the emotions your MIL engenders. Otherwise it builds up and you are destroyed from within.
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:39 PM   #26
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Just be happy you don't have my situation. My MIL went bat s*** crazy. We worked long distance and found a home she woukd be comfortable in. I even drove 12 hours to visit the place prior too. After all settled, she called me to tell me I needed to be careful because my DW was mean. She then proceeded to threaten my DW and I. At the point I told her if she ever contacted my DW again I would make her life hell. Haven't heard from her in 4 years.

My family is not much better. Completely psychotic. My dad and stepmom told me it would work better for them if I had my sons birthday party closer to them. When I asked how could my sons friends come, he said who cares. My mom and stepdad always tell me I am making the wrong decision and always complain about my siblings. Last time I checked I am doing quite well.

We just laugh my family off for the most part, mainly for my son. But I let them know what is up.

I wish the OP best of luck with this sticky situation. Just go camping, forget the rest.
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:51 PM   #27
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My MIL is a truly good person but your comments ring so true - the idea of a camper just messes with my MIL's head, she has no understanding of the outdoors. God love her, but her idea of spending time outdoors is watching a wild west movie from 1965 or a John Wayne western.

I have had the snide remarks, I've learned to ignore them. I focus instead on her generosity and how much she loves her grand children.

The camper makes my family happy, my kids love it, and so do the wife and I - to me, that is all that matters.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:26 PM   #28
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Life is too short to worry about the small things. Learn to block her out. The last thing you want to do is put a wedge between family. If you do say a mean come back and it does hurt your MIL what ever you say can not be taken back.
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:25 PM   #29
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I guess we are all related.
Exchanging presents at Christmas with my blood family (after dinner) was a really good time with my family until this last year.
It was never about the presents, it was the thought or laughter behind them.
Laurel had her children home from college and Switzerland. My nephew was home from Arizona.
When Laurel, Teddy, Becky, David, Juniper, Kristin and I walked in to Mom and Dad's house, they were opening presents.
My sister had her current piece of meat with her and my brother who is married brought his girlfriend.
After we had dinner the 7 of us left.
We got back to our home and Laurel's kids could not believe how we were treated and how we were talked to.
I have not spoken with any of them since.
My Mom called once and left a message in a rather sheepish tone of voice.
We are done.
When I get a call I will tell them to just pretend that we live 1800 miles away and will not be seeing them anytime soon.

We will not participate.
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:57 PM   #30
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Oh yea, Christmas, that reminds me. Ever since our daughter was born we have Christmas eve at our house and exchange gifts with my MIL, FIL, BIL his wife and 3 yo daughter, my DW little sister and her husband.

My DWs little sister and her husband gave my MIL/FIL a TomTom GPS unit. After we were done exchanging my MIL was over heard saying "of course the ones with the least give the most". Meaning that my DWs little sister spent more money on GPS that what my BILs family did or us. Really, what the _____. I could care less what she thinks, even though I know that both my BILs family and us spent more than double on the MIL/FIL than what little sister did, but the MIL must think that GPS units are still $300.

Also my mom and dad always get my in-laws alittle something every year for Christmas, this year it was a bottle of white wine, a couple wine glasses and something else (forget what it was). MIL was also over heard complaining about how white wine gives her headaches. Come on, whats wrong with just keeping your mouth shut and saying thanks?

After hearing about these remarks my wife said that we are done exchanging gifts with MIL & FIL, and also told my parent not to get them anything from now on either.

I am so glad that my wife takes after my FIL!!
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:30 PM   #31
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I know it`s hard, but just ignore it! trust me I know exactly how you are feeling. imagine her taking it a step further and not talking to you or your wife for up to 6 mos. (FIL). that is when I shake my head! some people as they get older (or for there entire life) don`t know when to keep there mouth shut and when not to make comments!
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:44 PM   #32
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Psh79
personally I think you have it easy... I'd trade you my MIL in a heart beat... when mine gets to me, I think of a little joke I was told once... a guy finds a genie lamp and gets three wishes, but there is a catch, whatever he asks for his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.. he thinks a bit and asks for a Corvette. Poof a bright shiny red one pops into his driveway and then poof poof two in the MIL' s garage.. He then wishes for a million dollars and a huge pile of cash shows up and of course 2 piles at the in laws.. So for his third wish he thinks for a while and then with a confident smirk, he says to the Genie... I wish to be beaten half-to-death!
Every time my wife and go through one of "Those" evenings at the in-laws , I turn to her and ask if I can have the third wish... we both are able to chuckle and it breaks the tension..best of luck to you. Your in my thoughts and prayers...
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Old 03-22-2013, 04:49 PM   #33
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Strange thing happened - - -
Yesterday afternoon my mom shows up at the front door and asks if we can talk.
I let her in and lay in to her a bit about how she treats some family members differently than others.
In a snide little tone she asks, "Jealous?"

Laurel mentions something that bothered her at Christmas.
Mom says this is between him and I.
I told her no, it isn't. She's my wife and she is a part of this.
Mom says "Well, I can see where this is coming from."
She left without another word.
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Old 03-22-2013, 06:21 PM   #34
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I took the easy way out and emigrated, that put the Atlantic between us. The other side of the equation was that she lasted years after my FIL and both my parents so it just goes to prove that only the good die young. My advice would be to ignore her or confront her at every opportunity.
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Old 03-22-2013, 06:50 PM   #35
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We emigrated .. MIL came over for a month ... We got a divorce ....

Sometimes they do not know when to draw the line and when to stop. You are lucky, your wife is on your side. Do your best to keep your marriage intact.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:11 PM   #36
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Sounds like you're describing my mother and father lol... welcome to my life
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:19 PM   #37
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I was very lucky, I had wonderful in-laws, mil lived next to us her last 8 yrs and was a delightful neighbor. Loved having her next to us and enjoyed her company. Both mil & fil were fantastic people.
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:05 PM   #38
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Yep, my il's live less then a quarter mile from us. My FIL has the best of everything and probably two of each item. Comments about others and neighbors, word spreads quick in our rural area, he wonders why the neighbors hang and talk to me and not him? I've never been one to brag about anything I buy, I've worked hard, bled, cried and missed more of my young Sons life then most can even imagine, I'm proud of what we have and my Family, I could give a damn what mi IL's comments are! Oh and my parents are proud that I'm able to give my family things that they could not give/do for their kids, that's the way it is supposed to be! You always want better for your own. I've learned to just sponge things up and move on.
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:30 PM   #39
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Some people are like slinkies...

Seriously, the only way anyone can ever get under your skin is if you let them. Don't look to confront, just go around.
We are all here on top of the dirt for a limited time. Try to make the best of it. My MIL was never happy... she seemed very much like yours actually. It wasn't that she was not happy with DW or me, just not happy. As she got older, she mellowed. So did we.
Just as things got good, pancreatic cancer got her. FIL lost his best bud and traveling companion.
Yours may have some issues (not knowing how cool a camper is, OMG!) but be patient. Don't look for battles.
Oh, remember one thing... you can never change someone else. You can only choose how you will react, and best do it before you have to. See the situation about to happen and be ready for it. Find your peace first.
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Old 05-22-2013, 09:48 PM   #40
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I am so sick of dealing with her and her BS! Or and I thinking of this all wrong?
You realize this is EXACTLY what she wants, and she is getting it. Your best course of action is ignoring her. I know it aint easy, but trust me, she is provoking you to get a response, and nothing gets under their skins more than not getting one.

Stout heart, lad. It'll get worse before it gets better, but if you ignore her it WILL get better.

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