Bob, thanks for the, but as posted above, I have looked at the videos and read the manual I could find, including those you listed, manuals it turns out aren't always helpful as the video shows that retaining screw as 9mm (or weirdly a #9 metric) when in fact it's not it an 8mm. The photos I showed above show the retaining screw and where I had access to it. Furthermore my slide is stuck in so access from the outside is completely impossible.
A little more success I stuck my phone in and shot a picture of the coupler, and found it wasn't clocked the way it was when the other motor came out, not sure why, but then I plugged the new motor in and spun it with the control (just overrode and held down the single motor button) and got it clocked the new motor dropped in. Now I have to get the wiring back and make sure it won't get pinched and try and reinstall the molding.
For future reference here's a few photos of the reason the trim block and moving it out might not be useful, along with what it looks like with the trim removed and the coupler I shot from above, thank god for phone cameras
Here's the trim that I couldn't remove as it seems glued to the slide out, you need to get between the wall in the front and the slide out, so moving the slide out out would probably block that access completely by that trim, as it was I was reaching around it:
Here's a view without the trim, if the circled cut was a little lower it would've made things quite a bit easier
and then here's the coupler in case anyone needs to know what it looks like